How to avoid the inconveniences of pregnancy…
Posted
October 11, 2007 at
10:46 am by
Jessica
A former coworker of mine, who came and went within a span of 4 months, announced during her 2nd week of employment that she was expecting a baby. Congratulations were offered to the glowing, petite mother who could not have been more than a few days pregnant, given her size 0 figure.
Surprise, surprise. She tells us, she’s not 2 weeks pregnant, she expecting in 2 weeks! Apparently, her and her husband hired a surrogate to carry their biological child and being the intrusive, nosy-nelly I am, I said to her, “Isn’t that wonderful that there are options for loving people to have children when they aren’t able to?”
Okay, so pretty presumptuous of me, I know. Then she says that getting pregnant wasn’t their problem, but that she has a pinched nerve in her neck that sometimes requires pain killers and she didn’t think it was safe to carry a baby. “Plus,” she said, “I have a weight restriction of 15 pounds, because of my pinched nerve, so I couldn’t carry a baby to term, unless I wanted to be bed ridden and who wants that?” (I dunno know, someone who wants a baby perhaps?)
Since she’s being so free with the info, I say, “Huh. Your surrogate must be a really good person.”
“No, she’s not,” she replies. “We had to pay her and we paid her really well.”
I couldn’t resist. “Tell me if this question is too personal, but what does something like that cost?”
“Enough to send her 3 boys to college.”
So, two weeks later she is out on maternity leave. Apparently, she likes the number two, since she also took two weeks off for her maternity leave. (Yep, two whole weeks.)
Then, she comes back, hair perfect, clothes ironed but emotionally distraught and she proceeds to lose it. Every day, she comes in crying. She complains incessantly about how much her nanny costs and that she is paying her nanny more than she makes. I suggest that perhaps she quit? She says she can’t, her husband’s company is laying people off. It starts to annoy me. She cries all day. She claims she’s going through post-partum depression. (Is that possible, if you haven’t actually given birth?)
And then she ups and quits.
Weird.
Tags: Family, post-partum-depression, PPD, pregnancy, surrogacy, working-mother |
11 Responses to “How to avoid the inconveniences of pregnancy…”
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1. Rita said:
October 11, 2007 @ 2:25 pm
Frightening glimpse into a frightening situation that you couldn’t even make up. I swear, if that was in a book, people wouldn’t believe it, they’d think it’s too contrived. How absoultely screwy.
Makes you feel better about yourself, though, doesn’t it? Doesn’t it?
2. Allison said:
October 11, 2007 @ 2:50 pm
Wow. I’m sorry, but I really have a problem feeling sad for people who are in the situations they are due to the CHOICES they make.
She says she has “postpartum depression”. That one made me laugh out loud!!!!!
3. Rita said:
October 11, 2007 @ 4:03 pm
I have actually heard of PPD hitting mothers of adopted babies. It isn’t the same as biological PPD, but it is a depressive mode due to sudden lack of sleep and adjustment to the baby and everything. So, that isn’t entirely made up.
4. Christine said:
October 11, 2007 @ 11:54 pm
I feel very sad for the newest addition to their family. There’s definitely some instability there.
5. Cara said:
October 12, 2007 @ 11:27 pm
She doesn’t have biological ppd, but I can certainly see how someone who has just had to start taking care of a newborn could exhibit signs of ppd due to lack of sleep and just general worry about such a tiny baby. She didn’t have the luxury (ha!) of having practice not getting any sleep due to third trimester discomforts.
It does make you wonder why she even started working there in the first place though. She clearly knew that they would be having a baby soon. Maybe she just wanted to earn some extra cash but didn’t want to admit to prospective employers that she only needed something temporary.
6. Kelly Reising said:
October 13, 2007 @ 7:54 am
Hey Jessica,
I usually don’t get involved in these kind of discussions after what happened when I wrote about “detached parenting.” But that said, I just had to say something. That woman did have a valid reason not to carry a child herself. I was lucky to have two very easy pregnancies, but as you know not everyone does. It’s more risk for some people to be pregnant than to allow yourself to pay someone to do it for you.
It sounds kind of horrible in a way to pay for someone’s womb, but if you have the money than why not? Many people have had children under worse circumstances.
I could never be a surragate. I’m too selfish. All the stretch marks and minimal pain I went through to get my two girls were definitely worth it. But I couldn’t do that for somneone else. Maybe if I had a sister I could. Who knows.
As far as her financial situation goes. Nannies are expensive and worth it. But it sounds like this poor woman just wants to be home with her child more than anything. With all the money they spent to get the baby it sucks that it’s caused her family financial stress. Because that is real stress too, on top of having a new baby.
Best,
Kelly Reising
Mother Magnetism
7. redsy said:
October 15, 2007 @ 1:46 pm
Well color me bitchy but the woman in this story sounds like a total wimp. And for her to describe her sadness as post-partum depression is insulting to the women who actually have it.
I get that having a new baby and going back to work (after buying your kid for a grillion dollars) is stressful… but I think she made the right choice.
She sounds like too much of a baby herself to hack real life as a working mama.
8. Jessica said:
October 15, 2007 @ 3:34 pm
She sounds like too much of a baby herself to hack real life as a working mama.[/quote]
LOL! That is so wrong and funny at the same time!
I love it!!
9. Kelly Reising said:
October 16, 2007 @ 6:03 am
Don’t judge until you have “walked a mile in her shoes.”
I can quote J LO becaue I’m young!
Ha-
K
10. Dana said:
October 29, 2007 @ 12:33 pm
Holy cats. This woman is a little nuts. I started to laugh when you told us she thought she had PPD. Not that I thought it was funny, I thought it was a cry out for attention or something.
11. Sarah said:
December 4, 2007 @ 5:53 pm
I don’t know you but stumbled upon your blog while researching surrogacy + maternity leave. As a woman who was born without a uterus, I will be using a surrogate mother as my only possible way to have a biological child.
This woman that you describe probably only took 2 weeks off for “maternity leave,” because, as I’m currently finding out, mothers through surrogacy are provided NO maternity leave as they were not pregnant and therefore do not qualify for short-term disability.
Nice, huh?
Two weeks was probably all she could get. Pretty inconvenient when you consider that almost any reputable daycare center will not take a child under 6 weeks.
Just my 2 cents.