Okay, so I watched much of the Democratic debate last night. Not much to report unfortunately, besides Mike Gravel being bat-shit crazy, that was kinda entertaining. Nothing blew me away though, but I thought it was very interesting that when a reporter asked Edwards, Obama and Clinton about whether or not bringing gay awareness into the 2nd grade curriculum by reading a book about two princes getting married was appropriate, even the most liberal of the candidates kinda squirmed. Barack Obama managed to dodge the question with his masterful way of answering a question without really answering it with some mumbo jumbo about “fear”. John Edwards was open to it but then grappled with the idea of second graders being read the book in question when he responded, “Did you say second grade? Second grade might be a little tough.”

Hillary Clinton responded the most conservatively when she said that whether or not a child is read a book about gay couples should be left up to the discretion of the parents. Even though Mitt Romney has come out accusing the Democrats of being out of touch and supporting such controversial subject matters that defy “family values” by way of government mandate of gay subject matters into the curriculum — it isn’t entirely an honest or true attack. Republicans like to use this as a divisive issue, but from what I heard last night, I wonder how divisive it is. Could this be a non-partisan issue? Could it be that I actually agree with Hillary on something? (By the way, I’ll expect the same moral outrage directed at her that was thrown in my direction, right?)

Anyway, the way I see it, Hilary Clinton is the most moderate, followed by Barack Obama and John Edwards being the quintessential flaming liberal. I was impressed that Barack Obama said he wouldn’t take nuclear power off the table while Edwards said no way, that it was too dangerous.

Anybody else watch? It’s the first one I’ve watched because frankly, I’m getting Election 2008 overload and the election is still more than a year off! Although as long as Gravel is still in it, it’s more entertaining than anything else on prime time…

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The beginning of a new school year is bittersweet in my house. Daydreaming all summer long of productive separation from your children sounds promising, but it’s never all it’s cracked up to be and often brings more challenges and annoyances than the lazy days of summer do.

To be honest, I never liked school. I only like school now, or the thought of school, because it’s not me that is actually going. Little did I know that having children in school is just as cumbersome and trying as it was when I was actually going myself.

The 10 things that make me curse what is supposed to be a good thing:

1. Shoes

What’s so bad about shoes you ask?…Buying them. Why is it that I remember going to actual shoe stores that measured our feet and brought out several options for me to choose from? It seems that the only places to get shoes fitted these days is either Nordstrom or Stride Rite. My older son is too big for Stride Rite and Nordstrom is expensive and inconvenient.

Where do parents buy their kids shoes anymore?? It seems that it has all come down to a guessing game in a “help yourself” model of shoe stores. I don’t wanna help myself. I need someone to tell me which shoes run big/small. I need some GD service. Is that too much to ask???

2. Homework

Okay, perhaps this should have been number 1. Why is it that teachers give out homework on material children don’t know or haven’t learned yet? What do kids do in school exactly? Why do I get the feeling that teachers spend more time handing out “naughty” passes and watching “educational” films and send home assignments for parents to simply home school their kids.

I’m so tired of having to teach my child the material on the homework. Am I alone in this?

3. Bedtime

Over the summer, we let our kids stay up later than normal. They also sleep in later than normal. Every year we explain that bedtime is 8:30am, but it never sticks. The kids are always out of their mind hyper and crazy from the time they get home until bedtime. They lose track, we lose track and the whole bedtime process always starts 30 minutes to an hour later than it should. The kids are bouncing off the walls, conspiring together to thwart my attempts at getting them into bed so I can finally rest. They are not tired at all. I am, but they’re not.

4. Illness

The start of school brings green snots, loose stools, airborne germs from coughing and household epidemics. One parent’s need for peace is another parent’s runny nose and misery that keeps on giving. It’s an ongoing cycle which makes you wonder how in the world parents can send their sickly, assholey kids to school to infect good, law abiding citizens, until you do it yourself.

“Well, its’ just a cough,” you reason. “As long as he isn’t running or jumping or doing anything physical, he’s fine.” Then your kid comes home and says, “The teacher said that I shouldn’t have even come to school today. I used a whole box of Kleenex.” Then it’s you that feels like the gigantic a-hole, but his brother was just home last week. One of these days, you’re going to need to get something done and it was just a little cough.

5. Book Clubs

Why do I feel like I’m being judged for not ordering crappy, paperback books which I already have a triplicate? Why does my son feel left out on the day that the books are doled out to the parents that weren’t cheap? I don’t like it.

6. Fundraisers

The only thing worse than the book fair are school fundraisers. My co-workers have already walked around, extorting me for money for their own snotty kid when I have my own snotty kid to pimp wrapping paper for. What makes them think that I’m interested in their candy bars, cookie dough and Entertainment Books?

I’m not a door-to-door type. Can’t I just write a check, preferably in the $20 range and be done with it? And, of course, there’s always the overachiever that sells an exemplary amount of fundraising crap and gets a free bicycle or something. Who do they think they are? Some of us don’t have large extended families to fill PTA coffers.

7. Open houses

Okay, now I’m gonna sound like a quintessential Imperfect Parent, but I hate open houses. It’s always crowded and you always leave thinking that you know less than before it started.

My son’s open house is a big sham. It’s a way to get you into the gym so the PTA can guilt you into volunteering and the principal can lay out his/her plans for the year and expectations and parental reprimands, “Don’t pick up your child on the south side of the building, don’t bring dogs to school, don’t arrive too early or too late.”

In the classroom versions, I never get anything out of it. There is nothing on the walls, and my ADD mind wanders as he/she tells how they are going to teach to the test this year. Wow! That’s new and compelling and so worth our tax dollars.

8. Lost & Found

I don’t know why kids are always snaggin’ my son’s belongings or why he’s always losing his shit, but weekly trips to the school’s lost and found are routine in our family. What bugs me is when kids take his jackets or gloves or hats and then we don’t see ‘em for weeks. What’s with these parents not noticing or not caring? I actually write my kids names on their tags and even with that, things disappear. Sometimes my son will actually tell me who took his stuff and it takes several phone calls to the parents to get it back. Now, I know that gray hoodies look alike, but if I paid for a Gap hoodie, I don’t really want to settle for an Old Navy one, get my drift?

9. Flu Shots

To get ‘em or not to get ‘em? Advice?

10. Nagging my children for the scoop

Why does a simply innocent question about how one’s day went, turn into early teenage angst? Even my preschooler blows me off. I work and I don’t think it’s too much to ask that my kids share a little piece of their day with me. Instead, they give me one word answers or “I don’t know” or “Quit asking me, it’s just okay.” Grrrrrr.

And, last, an honorable mention to traffic. It didn’t make the list, but if anyone can answer why it now takes me an hour to get to work (ever since school started), versus the summertime 30 minute commute, I would greatly appreciate it. Do that many high schoolers drive to school? Does half the working community take summers off? Vacations? Teachers? What is up with that????

Why is the beginning of the year so stressful????

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A school in Colorado Springs is just the latest in a long line of schools that have decided to try and stop kids from being kids by banning tag:

The touch-and-run game and any other form of chasing was banned this year at Discovery Canyon Campus’ elementary school by administrators who say it fuels schoolyard disputes.

“It causes a lot of conflict on the playground,” said Assistant Principal Cindy Fesgen. In the first days of school, before tag was banned, she said students would complain to her about being chased or harassed.

Fesgen said she would hear: “Well, I don’t want to be chased, but he won’t stop chasing me, or she won’t stop chasing me.”

Here’s a memo listing other games Asst. Prin. Fesgen is thinking of banning:

Duck, Duck, Goose — the goose is representative of discrimination in our culture. Causes conflict.

Four Square — not all grade levels has number of students divisible by four. Causes conflict.

Seven Up — reminds kids of sugary lemon-lime soda. Some children’s parents don’t allow them to drink soda, which makes them feel bad. Causes conflict.

Hide and Seek — students often complain that other student took the best hiding spot. Causes conflict.

Double Dutch — name derogatory to exchange student from Holland. Causes conflict.

Red Light/Green Light — too hard for students with slower reflexes. Causes conflict.

Red Rover — students consistently report 15 seconds of mild pain in wrists after Johnny R. “comes over”. Causes conflict.

In addition to the above, any game that involves either horizontal or vertical momentum is not allowed, as we’ve discovered any sort of motion by the students may cause conflict.

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Ever heard of The Motherhood Project? No? Well, allow me to enlighten you.

It’s a group of moms working to make their homes as commercial free as possible so that all will be right with the world and children will grow and experience tranquility and serenity that will transcend all aspects of life, respecting the child and making the world a better place.

I like number deux and quatre of their little mission:

2. To reassert ourselves and our values in the lives of our children. We will teach our children self-discipline, empathy, moderation, and other values that will help them resist the messages of marketing.

4. To make our homes and families commerce-free zones. To the degree that we are able, we will limit our children’s exposure to advertising and marketing.

So, that’s pretty convenient, don’tchya think?…to blame advertising for your children’s behavior, instead of your own parenting?

Are children incapable of being taught to value intangibles? Can little Johnny not resist the Wii, without censoring its existence? What if other children tell little Johnny about the Wii? Although, I’m assuming most of these kids would be homeschooled, considering they say this:

With regard to activities or technologies that raise threats to the health and well-being of children (activities such as advertising and marketing to children and certain new bio-technologies and cyber-technologies), we seek to preserve the dignity and integrity of children. We favor a shifting of the burden of proof from those who would be adversely affected by the adoption of a potentially harmful activity or technology to those who propose its adoption.

I would think that mothers within this organization shun the mainstream, including schools.

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UPDATE:

Apparently, I was not in on the gag and made a buttinski outta myself for falling for it…the following is not a real site. (Thank you Vic, the commenter, for pointing this out.)
——————————–

I was recently alerted to a website called “Marry Our Daughter“, where it features girls between the ages 14 and 17, along with their pictures and with price tags that range between $4,000 - $100,000 (dowry), asking men to marry them for the fee listed.

Where is this organization and where are these girls from? America! That’s right. The good ol’ USA. I thought for sure this most be an offshore site, because clearly this can’t be legal.

Here’s an ad direct from their homepage:

Kyra A.
Age: 14 ½,
Location: Southeast

Bride Price:
$27,995

Located on their FAQ page:

Q: IS YOUR SERVICE LEGAL?
A: Absolutely. Within the United States girls can marry as young as 13 years old with parental permission, and the Bride Price is a custom of long standing, mentioned many times in the Bible, and as such is a protected religious practice. Click HERE for a listing of the age limits and legal requirements in various states. Click HERE for what the Bible says on Bride Price.

Q: WHAT IS A BRIDE PRICE?
A: The bride price is an ancient custom, somewhat like a dowry. A man wishing to marry a woman would offer her family a Bride Price in cash or kind, or sometimes offer to work for their family.

I am horrified. If this is legal, why hasn’t this been exposed on Dateline or 20/20? Isn’t that what those tabloid news shows are supposed to do? Tell us about horrors that we never knew existed?

And, of course, they present themselves as Bible thumping fundamentalists that are prostituting these girls for the sake of God.

Crazy. This has got to be a pedophiles paradise. Where is the DCFS in all this?

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I have to admit, I was shocked when I read about a mother who allowed her 13 year old daughter to go on the pill:

When Tracey Baverstock realised her 13-year-old daughter Connie was having sex, she didn’t shout or scream. She took her straight to the doctor to put her on the Pill.

Having already seen two of her daughters become teenage mums, Tracey, 39, from Portsmouth, was determined it wasn’t going to happen again.

Granted, a new study was just released that supports a decrease in cancer rates in women who were on the pill. The rub? The advantage only lasted for 8 years, after that, cancer risk increased exponentially.

So what in the world is this mother thinking?

I’ve never once regretted putting Connie on the Pill. I didn’t condone the fact that she was having sex - far from it. Of course I was upset. I was shocked - my little girl was only 13.

But having me rant and rave at Connie not to have sex wasn’t going to stop her, she’s a headstrong teenager. I was also aware of her getting very jealous of the attention given to my other daughters Sheri and Joleen when they were pregnant.

Is she serious? Her 13 year old was headstrong and going to have sex anyway? Isn’t that when that crazy little thing called parenting is supposed to kick in? I mean really, can you think of a better time to utilize parenting skills than this? If your 13 year old wants to have sex and your answer is, “Ah, well. What am I going to do about it,” you may want to re-evaluate when you went wrong.

Here’s a crazy suggestion…keep her home! At 13, you should be able to have some control over your kid. Whose parenting who here???

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As a working mom, I get to live the mundane cubicle life that has contributed to the success of Dilbert and The Office. Sometimes I wonder, Dear God, how did I wind up here? In a cubicle? Lucky for me, my pride is spared only slightly by the fact that the company that I work for only extends drywall to the truly elite — board members and VPs. No matter, office humor and stereotypical parodies of office workers still hold that special magic that only being true and accurate can bring.

Everyone in my office is usually branded with a Seinfeld-esque title in which my obsessiveness forever renders them with. There is the guy that always refers to himself in the third person, the chick who is having a love affair with her dogs, the manager that gives preferential treatment to the young, pretty girls, the whiner (me), the quiet talker, the loud talker, the helicopter mom that calls her sons preschool 10 times a day to see if he’s constipated. The list goes on.

One such title that is most disturbing is “Baby Guy”. Mid-20s, bachelor, a nice guy by all accounts, but I just cannot get over his calendar. On my cubicle wall hangs printed out calendar images from Outlook. On his cubicle wall? Anne Geddes.

What kind of “man” hangs a calendar full of babies in pumpkin outfits and sleeping on chandeliers? It’s hard to pinpoint. “Baby Guy” wears slightly ill fitting clothes, keeps a messy desk, has horrible writing, looks as though he might work out, but eats too many éclairs to really be of benefit. I hear him arguing with his girlfriend on occasion that he doesn’t feel like coming over and he’s gonna grab a beer with the guys.

So “Baby Guy” is a complete mystery. I might have a little more respect for him if I thought it was hung in some hipster ironic fashion, but truth be told he really isn’t all that funny.

“Baby Guy” apparently has had an impact on more than just myself. Because I sit next to him, I get to field the “why” questions when he’s not there. Co-workers point out his calendar to me as if I have never noticed myself.

“Because he’s Baby Guy”, I tell them.

Is it wrong?

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Overheard at our house this morning:

“I don’t WANT to go to Montessori, I want to go to my OLD school.”

I’ll spare you the boring personal details as to why we transferred our son in the first place, and instead ask does anyone else here have a little one having a rough transition to a new school? How are you handling it?

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You give birth to ‘em, raise ‘em, do your best to keep them safe and nurture them, dedicate your life to ‘em — only to have them turn against you and your cat:

NORTH KINGSTOWN, R.I. (AP) — A man has been charged with extorting more than $20,000 from his elderly mother by repeatedly threatening to kidnap her beloved cat and demanding ransom, police said.

Garry Lamar, 47, was arrested Friday and released on $200 bail. He has been ordered to stay away from his 78-year-old mother, Mary Lamar Grancher.

What kind of asshole son puts his elderly mother through that?

If my son did that to me, well, it would be different because I HATE my cat with a passion. He’d be doing me a favor. I keep trying to let the hostile-throw-up-attacker outside, hoping that she will meet a really mean raccoon.

However, this lady happens to love her cat. A lot.

While I don’t understand having that much affection for a cat, I do understand how despicable abusing your mother is and for that, I think this schmuck should have to sleep in used cat litter for the rest of his nights, pay back his mother and be housed with many abandoned cats in a pee filled jail room.

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Does anybody remember the movie, “Fearless“? It’s a 1993 movie in which a few plane crash survivors go through post traumatic stress disorder and try to reconcile why they lived and others died. Their minds start to play tricks on them as they start to see themselves as invincible. It was inspired by a real life event.

Imagine being the 7 year old boy and being the only survivor on a plane, piloted by your father? That’s exactly what happened recently when a small, commuter plane crashed into Lake Erie.
How will this boy ever be the same? How does one come back from something like this?

TOLEDO, Ohio (AP) — Rowing through darkness, Chuck Herndon steered his boat toward where he had seen a plane’s taillights plunge into Lake Erie. Then, he heard a faint cry.

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Herndon yelled, rowing furiously and following the voice. But he still couldn’t see anything until a pair of small hands reached up and grabbed the side of the boat.

Once safely onboard, the shivering 7-year-old boy told Herndon that his dad and older brother didn’t survive.

“He said, ‘My father and my brother were killed in a plane crash,’ just like that,” Herndon said Tuesday, a day after the Monday night crash off Kelleys Island, midway between Toledo and Cleveland.

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