Our sex goddess the Mominatrix is back on the air and she’s talking toys! No, not the ones you continuously step on in the family room, more of the adult variety. Do moms and dads use sex toys? Is it because of an always present kink, or for a desire to add a little excitement back into the bedroom?

Join us LIVE tonight, August 31 at 8:00 p.m. CST when we’ll give the low down on some of the latest “massagers” currently on the market. We’ll also be joined by guest Racy Red from Mommy Blogs Toronto’s Hot and Bothered to share her views on these little pleasure accessories. AND WE’RE GIVING SHIT AWAY! Call in during the show at 646-915-8634 and tell us about your favorite sex toy and you just might win either a Nexus Duo Range (nsfw) or a $35 gift certificate from sex toy retailer Babeland.com (also probably nsfw, duh).

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Holly Schnobrich, a 24 year old mother of two boys in Lafayette, Indiana, allegedly got whacked out on vodka and Percocet (which she admitted to taking when the children “acted up”) and decided to go out for a little joy ride around the subdivision with her sons, ages 5 and 3. But being the conscientious mother that she is, she knew she was too impaired to drive so police say she let the 5-year-old drive instead. Fortunately alert neighbors contacted the police (oh, how I would love to hear that 911 call). When they questioned Schnobrich as to why her preschooler was behind the wheel, police reported that she responded, “But he’s a good driver.” Mom somehow had the wherewithal to buckle up, but her younger kid was unrestrained in the back seat.

The young driver said this to a local news station:

On Thursday, Weston told 6News that he was having a hard time driving.

“My legs were too short to reach the pedals,” he said.

Weston said the incident won’t stop him from wanting to drive in the future.

“I want to be a race car driver when I grow up,” he said.

Just weeks after Nimisha Tiwari took the lives of her children and herself, another mother in the Chicago area decided to take the most desperate of ways out of an apparently messy divorce. Magdalene Kamysz, 28, of Crystal Lake, Illinois, committed suicide on Tuesday by stepping in front of a commuter train near her home. But if that wasn’t sad enough, when police went to her home four hours later to notify relatives, they found her 7-year-old daughter, Sydney, suffocated in her locked bedroom. While nothing was left behind to indicate why Kamysz took such drastic measures, the back story is eerily familiar:

One focus of the inquiry is an ongoing legal battle that Magdalene was waging with Sydney’s father over custody and visitation issues.

“It has been a somewhat heated and contested situation,” Nygren said.

Sydney’s father, 29-year-old Alan Burton of Walworth, Wis., filed a civil suit in February seeking to formalize his visitation rights with the girl, which his attorney said had been disrupted earlier.

But despite how contentious their relationship might have been, it’s hard to contemplate how it could lead to murdering your only child. These feelings don’t just come out of nowhere, why didn’t she seek some help? I guess we’ll never find out.

Our kids are getting fatter and alarmists are calling it a health epidemic. According the Center for Disease Control and Prevention:

The report says that there are probably 25 million overweight or obese children in the U.S. The percentage of obese children in the different states varied from a low of 8.5 percent in Utah to a high of 22.8 percent in Washington, D.C. It was noted that eight of the 10 states with the highest percentages of obese children were in the South. The states in the south with the heaviest children are West Virginia, Tennessee, Texas, Louisiana, Kentucky, South Carolina, North Carolina, and New Mexico.

So, who’s to blame? Mom? Dad? Self? The government? Yeah, let’s blame the government because our thoughts and desires ought to be controlled by the stellar capabilities of the folks in Washington.

The reports co-author, Jeffrey Levi thinks it’s most definitely the government’s fault that kids eat too many french fries:

Levi believes that individuals need help of the government to sort the problem out.

In the case of children, Levi called for moves such as restoring physical education and recess in schools, escalating the screenings of children’s weight and height and reporting results to parents among others.

For the general public, Levi reasoned, “People can’t exercise personal responsibility in a vacuum. If you’re telling people to eat healthier food and there are no grocery stores in the neighborhood; if you’re telling them to be more physically active, and they live in poor, unsafe neighborhoods or in suburban neighborhoods with no sidewalks, then you’ve created an environment that doesn’t make it possible for people to exercise that personal responsibility. That’s where government plays a role.”

While I agree that schools need to reinstate mandatory physical education classes, isn’t this more of an issue of the public who fails to support schools? Without the budgets, schools are not going to be able to provide these services and with a growing elderly population, it’s the grandparents who often set themselves up as a roadblock to helping children.

I hardly think it is the government’s responsibility to make sure every town has a grocery store with fresh produce. Part of the problem in living in such a wealthy nation, is that we eat and eat and eat and eat. Parents need to be educated on the ramifications of a free-for-all diet, but it is ultimately their responsibility and then the responsibility of the individual. I really don’t want the government in our pantry. I mean, look how well they’re doing in all the other areas, like infrastructure, the war, education, social security. C’mon people, think.

Miss Teen USA hopeful Lauren Caitlin Upton, Miss South Carolina, gave us a truly unique insight to the future leaders of our country with her intellect and wisdom. She showed the world what a academic marvel America is when she answered the question, “Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can’t locate the US on a world map. Why do you think this is?” (My answer? “Holy shit! What a bunch of dumbasses. How do they manage to even get their shoes on in the morning or remember their way back home? Perhaps the answer is more special ed classes.”)

Oh well, at least she has her looks to fall back on.

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