OK, let’s move past my incredibly terrible pun and get to the heart of the question…

The 4th of July is coming up, and we here in the States will be celebrating by busting out the grill and eating tons of ribs, encased meats, and beef in various forms. And of course one of the ubiquitous side dishes is corn on the cob. I was at the grocery this morning buying my mandated 6 ears ($.10 each, yea!), and I had to elbow my way through the crowd standing around husking (shouldn’t it be “de-husking”?) their picks right in the middle of the produce section, tossing the husks about and getting corn silk all over the floor.

Is this a recent phenomenon? I just noticed it a few years ago, when the store near us put up signs asking people to PLEASE DO NOT HUSK CORN IN STORE. The sign went ignored so they finally said fuck it and put out a big garbage can. Which shoppers managed to deposit husks into about as efficiently as my 4 year old deposits clothes in the hamper.

Why? Why do people do this? I’m usually trying to get through my shopping as fast as humanly possible, I certainly am not going to be standing around doing dinner prep. Are they checking to see if the corn is any good? Pulling back a tiny bit of husk usually takes care of that, not to mention the fact that I think I’ve bought one “bad” ear of corn out of 300 — and at a dime a piece I like to live a little and get a few extras just in case.

Any of you huskers out there, can you enlighten me?

Bookmark to:
   

In the Spanish version of the Dora the Explorer DVDs, does Tico the Squirrel only speak English?

Bookmark to:
   

Today, The Imperfect Parent presents the first of a three part series about online predators and their reach into the mainstream. This is specifically geared towards parents who belong to parenting websites and blogs, as you may be surprised at the way pedophiles online think, their various antics, and how they use the internet to support their criminal behavior and provide information on our very own children.

Makes me wonder if technology has presented a danger that provides the venue for child predators to bring child exploitation to an unprecedented level:

Most parents certainly have an awareness of the threats of children being online, where they can easily fall victim of their own naiveté. We may even feel fully informed of the dangers that lurk within the bandwidth, as shows like “To Catch a Predator” gain popularity and stories of internet predators become common place within the news wires. But these stories only scratch the surface — parents might be surprised to learn that pedophiles, in their desperate attempts to be close to children and prey on their vulnerability, are using the anonymity of the internet to organize themselves in a united front and are now attempting to infiltrate parenting sites and blogs. They cloak and misrepresent themselves in order to gain trust so that they can plead their cases in effort to influence society’s reaction to child molestation; their goal is to normalize and mainstream pedophilia.

Read the rest….

UPDATE: The other 2 parts of the series are now online:

Cyber Warriors - A new breed of superheroes battle online child predators.

Chris Hansen - The famous face of the To Catch a Predator series talks about his motivation, his new book, and the most disturbing thing he’s witnessed during production.

Bookmark to:
   

Wow, given the giant stick up her ass I figured the bitch hadn’t gotten laid in years.

Word on the street is that Nancy Grace, of bug-eyed, mega-attitude, Tammy Faye makeup fame, is expecting twins. Ms. Grace has already deemed herself to be the exploiter, er, protector of child victims everywhere, so she’s sure to be a good mother. Doesn’t seem like she’s the type that would become unhinged over the presence of a certain undesirable method of hanging ones clothes at all…

From Access Hollywood (home of credible news, of course!):

NEW YORK, NY (June 26, 2007) — TV’s legal eagle, Nancy Grace, has revealed that she is four months pregnant with twins. But that’s not her only headliner: she also snuck off and got married!

“I always said I wanted a family,” Grace told Access Hollywood. “I grew up in happy, loving family [and] I wanted it too. But until now I just thought it wasn’t meant to be for me. And as part of God’s mysterious plan, I’m given this wonderful blessing late in life — and I could not be happier.”

47-years-old, and happier than ever! The CNN “Headline News” host married Atlanta-based banker David Linch in April. The couple reportedly met when they attended Mercer College together in the late 1970s.

Huh, just curious, does “God’s mysterious plan” include Clomid?

Many of us parents with older kids know the slack-jawed, glossy-eyed look that’s involved with an intense video game session. And we also know that some days we have to drag them away from the console kicking and screaming because, let’s admit it, video games are fun and often more attractive entertainment to a kid than reading or riding their bike. But would you ever think that a love of video games is a bona fide addiction? A leading council of the American Medical Association does.

The council is trying to persuade the AMA to lobby to have video game addiction classified as a psychiatric disorder and have it added to the American Psychiatric Association’s diagnostic manual. They want to make the public more aware of this supposed disorder, even making treatment for it covered by insurance. According to them, it’s a wide spread epidemic possibly affecting up to 5 million kids. One mom describes her ordeal with her teenager’s addiction:

Joyce Protopapas of Frisco, Texas, said her 17-year-old son, Michael, was a video addict. Over nearly two years, video and Internet games transformed him from an outgoing, academically gifted teen into a reclusive manipulator who flunked two 10th-grade classes and spent several hours day and night playing a popular online video game called World of Warcraft.

“My father was an alcoholic … and I saw exactly the same thing” in Michael, Protopapas said. “We battled him until October of last year,” she said. “We went to therapists, we tried taking the game away.

“He would threaten us physically. He would curse and call us every name imaginable,” she said. “It was as if he was possessed.”

Besides the threat of violence, does this sound that far off from the daily battles with stubborn teenagers that take place in homes across the globe? Comparing alcoholism to an obsession with video games seems a bit of a stretch, even if I don’t necessarily buy the whole “alcoholism is a disease” bit.

But even so, these teenagers wouldn’t have become “addicts” in the first place without a little enabling from their parents. An alcoholic wouldn’t become one without having access to copious amounts of booze. A kid won’t become a sugary cereal addict without being constantly served it for breakfast. And a teenager won’t become addicted to video games if strict limits are enforced as soon as the Xbox enters the house (if it’s even allowed to invade in the first place).

My version of treatment for “video game addiction” involves a sledgehammer, a garbage can, and a swift kick out the door into the backyard.

Bookmark to:
   

It’s being reported this morning that an industrious (er, 133t) hacker (er, h4×0r), code name “Gabriel” is claiming that he’s cracked the security on book publisher Bloomsbury’s server and obtained a digital copy of the highly anticipated book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, the seventh and supposedly last in the series.

“We make this spoiler to make reading of the upcoming book useless and boring,” Gabriel said in the posting.

“Harry Potter” publishers have taken great pains to keep the conclusion a secret and preserve the multibillion-dollar entertainment enterprise surrounding the boy wizard.

A Bloomsbury spokesman declined comment on the hacker’s claims.

Kyle Good, a spokesman for U.S. distributor Scholastic Corp., would not say whether the posting was accurate, but did warn readers to be skeptical about anything on the Web that claims to have inside information on the book’s plot.

“There is a whole lot of junk flying around,” she said. “Consider this one more theory.”

Well, we thought we would share the spoiler and let you make up your own mind. Click and drag your mouse inside the box below to reveal the Harry Potter secret:

On the very last page of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, you will realize that you’ve wasted the last several years of your adult life obsessed with a book series written for children.

It all makes sense now, doesn’t it?

Bookmark to:
   

That’s right, when a national newspaper of record needs an insightful observation, they turn to me.

OK, ok, so the back story on how I wound up in the piece is way lamer than that, and my comments aren’t insightful nor do they add anything to the story, really, but I’ll take it.

But hey, Gray Lady, would it have killed you to add a link to our site?

Bookmark to:
   

Better check your tots Shirley Temples, margaritas and apple juices. Sometimes they pack a real punch:

ANTIOCH, Calif. — An executive with the Applebee’s restaurant chain said its restaurants won’t be keeping juices and margarita mixes in similar looking containers any more after a toddler was accidentally served a margarita at one of its locations.

Police said 2-year-old Julian Mayorga was served an alcoholic beverage in a covered, plastic sippy cup last Monday night at the Applebee’s franchise in Antioch.

The boy’s mother, Kim Mayorga, said she noticed Julian making funny faces and pushing away his cup. She had ordered apple juice for the child, but when she opened the lid, she was hit by the smell of tequila and Triple Sec.

The toddler grew drowsy and started vomiting a few hours later and was rushed to the hospital. Read the rest…

Bookmark to:
   

This is one of those days of the year I’m supposed to meet my obligation to get together with you for a meal and a visit. The reason I make it sound like it’s a chore is because that’s what it is. We never really had a connection, and often times I just can’t muster up the feelings to really care. You should know that most of the reason is because I don’t have a single memory growing up of you saying that you loved me, or offering a hug, or the slightest bit of caring about my hobbies or interests. It often felt that you were more interested in tending the garden you endlessly slaved over than tending your child. I gave up hoping for more a long time ago, so much so that the awkward handshake you extend when we part ways in my adulthood is more humorous than tragic.

But you did provide me with a roof over my head and a lifestyle that, while decidedly far from luxurious, was certainly much more comfortable than the many that live in poverty, and for that I’m grateful. And that gratitude helped fuel the times that we got together after Mom died — remember when Jessica was pregnant with your oldest grandson and we all went to see The Truman Show? — as I didn’t want you to feel abandoned and alone. But that understandably wasn’t enough, and you started dating again. Suddenly you became busy when we called. You were unavailable, and my life became more complicated. So the calls to you were less frequent, and the calls from you remained, as they always were, non-existent. The obligation diminished more and more, until it manifested itself only on your birthday, Christmas, and of course, today.

But things changed a bit this year when I tried to make plans to take you out for your birthday. The woman you married four years ago said that you had some dental work and would not be able to go out for lunch that weekend. Thinking that was odd, I pressed her a bit and found out that the dementia that she had alluded to last fall had become much more of an issue and had been diagnosed as full-blown Alzheimer’s. She ended the conversation saying not to bother calling her any more, she would let us know when you died. My obligation, in her eyes, was not enough.

Now, just this weekend, I found out that a few weeks later you went into the hospital after an episode and have been bouncing around to different nursing homes ever since. Your wife won’t tell me where you are. She says I’ve been a hurtful son to you, even though she’s only been in the picture since the beginning of your downward mental slide. She says that updates about your physical and mental state are none of my business. She says that it doesn’t matter, anyway, since you don’t know who I am any more.

Although I’m not sure you ever did.

So I guess this is the final chapter of the thin volume that was our relationship, the end of my obligation.

Goodbye, and happy Father’s Day.

Sincerely,
Your son

Bookmark to:
   

Responding to the Kellogg Company and Viacom being threatened with a lawsuit by the Center for Science in the Public Interest and the Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood, Kellogg’s cereals will not be advertised during children’s programming unless it meets certain nutritional guidelines:

The voluntary changes, which will be put in place over the next 1 1/2 years, will apply to about half of the products Kellogg markets to children worldwide, including Froot Loops and Apple Jacks cereals and Pop-Tarts.

Frosted Flakes, for example, and Rice Krispies with Real Strawberries will still make the nutritional cut, though regular Rice Krispies will not (too much salt).

Kellogg’s will also be discontinuing any product tie-ins with licensed characters or branded toys. I guess that box of Shrek Apple Jacks in my pantry just became a collectible!

While I’m sure some parents might think that it’s grrreat!, I’m with writer Kerrie Flanagan:

Here I was, the whole time thinking it was the consumption of junk food and lack of exercise that causes childhood obesity. The good thing is now I can rest easy knowing it is not my fault if my kids get fat. It’s Viacom’s fault for putting images of my favorite Bikini Bottom resident on a box of food. What a relief! I no longer have to accept any responsibility for my choices.

Even though I’ll admit I find slapping characters on everything from Dixie cups to ketchup bottles incredibly obnoxious, I don’t see how marketers shoulder the culpability when kids consume food items that their parents buy for them.

What do you think? Should advertising be to blame for making our children chunky?

Bookmark to: