As if the Social Security system wasn’t being bled dry fast enough, Rosie Costello of Tacoma, Washington taught her two kids, starting at age 4, how to fake retardation so she could collect benefits. This went on for almost TWENTY YEARS to the tune of $280,000 stolen from the working class of America.

Did the fleeting thought ever enter Costello’s pea brain to, I don’t know, maybe get a fucking job? Watched Paper Moon a few too many times, did we? I hope there’s some sort of statute that if you involve your kids in your crime, the punishment is immediately increased 10 times. Scumbag.

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Best Motion Picture: “The Departed” — Oooh, I heard this movie was really good. I haven’t seen it.

Best Actor: Forest Whitaker, “The Last King of Scotland” — I love Forest Whitaker! I haven’t seen this one, either.

Lead Actress: Helen Mirren, “The Queen” — Did you know Helen Mirren has played both Queen Elizabeths in the past couple years? That’s all I know about this film since I didn’t have a chance to catch it in the theater.

Supporting Actor: Alan Arkin, “Little Miss Sunshine” — I am *so* going to watch this when they get the DVD at the library.

Supporting Actress: Jennifer Hudson, “Dreamgirls” — This one I wouldn’t have seen on a bet much less spend $30 for a babysitter.

Visual Effects: “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest” — I SAW THIS ONE! I SAW THIS ONE!

Documentary Feature: “An Inconvenient Truth” — I need to Tivo this when it shows up on cable. Was it a sequel to Armageddon or something?

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Ha! Last week Weight Watchers scolds me for losing too much weight in one week (3 lbs.), so I take it in stride and follow the same path since increasing my calories did not seem like the most level-headed approach.  I know for sure I’m not starving myself. This week, my weigh-in proves more erratic with a 1 lb. weight gain. Weight Watchers responds with this smiley —–> .

WTF, neutral icon? (You’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t.)

Of course, Weight Watchers was quick to point out that ups and downs are part of the natural cycle of losing weight. I’ll see your natural cycle and raise you a menstrual cycle. It’s all very easily explained. Last week was the infamous “week off”, so I wasn’t retaining as much water. This week, I forgot one of those little, tiny, sacred, heavenly wonder-pills and wound up doubling up on one day (two boys are enough!). A very good explanation if I do say so myself. I will not be weakened by aunt flo and contraception.

So, no pictures this week. Next week, I promise!

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I have a suggestion that is a surefire way to get you off the hook when the thought of drawn out days of listening to a plaintiff’s complaint about a landlord neglecting to paint a front door sends you into panic and excuse mode — just be 2! 2 years old that is!

He knows right from wrong.

For instance, if you spill ketchup on the rug, you don’t try to hide the evidence. You fess up right away there’s an “uh-oh” with the “tat-tat,” and you take responsibility by dabbing at the spot with a paper towel.

He’s open-minded.

“Hey, if you give him candy, he’ll go for whatever side you want,” said his mom, Deborah Arrandale.

“He’s pretty laid-back.”

He even knows how to build consensus by repeating a request until everyone understands coffee milk is more desirable than juice.

The only problem is he’s not likely to be a peer to any defendant in Middlesex Superior Court in Cambridge, where he’s been summoned to serve as a trial juror on May 8.

A 2-year-old can’t be charged with the kind of crimes that land a person in Superior Court. Read the rest…

 

 

Picture from www.mestrowestdailynews.com

2 year old Devan R. Arrandale

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I noticed this search phrase in our logs, and it just added an extra layer of dread that I have about my boys becoming teenagers:

“how to go on vacation without parents permission”

SOMEBODY is going to have an interesting spring break.

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I used to have no problem making fun of the white trash train wreck that is Britney Spears. But now it’s just so sad that any comedic aspect of it is gone. Her bad choices in men, her questionable mothering skills, then most recently a brief 24 hour stint in rehab and her well publicized head shaving incident — which I find shocking not because of her cutting off her hair, but rather the bizarre manner in which she went about doing it. Things were looking up yesterday when she checked into a treatment facility to get some help. Well, that didn’t last long: Britney Spears checked herself out again today and went home. This story keeps getting more and more tragic.

UPDATE: AAANNNDDDD now she’s gone back in. I call 6:00 a.m. EST tomorrow in the “Britney rehab checkout” pool!

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Like so many others who have lived in a large city their entire life, I’ve become desensitized to the interesting characters that inhabit the streets of Chicago — unfortunately, so much so that these people have become less human being than cartoon character. There’s Burlap Guy, a hulking man with a long beard clad in layers of elaborately put together burlap sacks. Or Jesus Guy, who I would see walking up and down the streets of the Lakeview neighborhood donning a crown of thorns and carrying a large cross on his shoulders which was apparently made out of cardboard. Or Crazy Mary, flashing her old, wrinkly breast to get drunken frat boys to throw her coins along Rush Street. But despite their differences, they all have the unmistakable air of desperate homelessness, with their obvious mental illness either the cause of it or because of it. Which is why it was rather jarring when I came across this man, who apparently has a beef with someone at the FBI:

The comment thread at Chicagoist has some insight (and albeit, some complete bullshit) about this man’s obvious despair.

View all of our random crap

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So, one minute Fluffy is playing catch and pawing you for a pat on the head and the next minute he’s literally biting someones head off. At least that’s what happened to a 9 year old Colorado boy. It’s a case of  “a boy and his dog” gone horribly wrong as a family pet of 7 years attacks a child member of his family completely out of the blue.

The moral of this story? Dogs are animals - animals that still instinctively hunt and kill prey and sometimes have mental issues and imbalances. You can never fully trust a dog. (There, I said it and I’m a dog person so don’t get all freaky and dramatic on me.)

The mother of the boy urges families with dogs larger than 20 lbs. to get rid of their pet. I think that might be a knee jerk reaction, but I do think it’s wise not to underestimate even the most gentle of family pets. Animals, even the most cared for and mild mannered family pets can turn on a dime. Don’t ever think that you know your dog so well that you trust him with your children and can predict all of their behavior. As parents, it’s our responsibility not to allow big dogs (or even little ones for that matter) alone with children, without any supervision.

Sound like a pain when you know your dog wouldn’t do that? Think it could never happen to you? Read the following news story from 9NEWS and think again:

The dog, a black Labrador Retriever named Gordie, had been with the family for seven years and never had any problems with other people or kids, according to Amanda Jolliff, the boy’s mother.

According to Jolliff, her son, Josh, was playing outside when he heard Gordie whining while chained up.

Josh went over to pet Gordie and the dog attacked, biting the right side of his head, left shoulder and left hand, Jolliff says.

“Josh has thousands of stitches to his head, I would say,” said Jolliff. “His scalp was hanging on by the skin around his ear on the right side.”

According to the family, the attack was unprovoked. The family was able to intervene and separate the dog from the boy, and the dog ran away from the area.

“Just the night before, Josh and Gordie had slept together,” said Jolliff.

Of course, one thing to keep in mind - nothing, and I mean nothing, will make a dog turn ugly and mean like chaining him up outside. When will people ever learn? Dogs were not meant to be chained up! They don’t like it. Really. They don’t.

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I mean, come on, who hasn’t skipped an appointment, or forgot clothes in the washing machine, or maybe left your kid at the airport? Here’s a video from Chicago comedy troupe Schadenfreude’s Kate James, in defense of her bouts of forgetfulness. (Should probably note there’s one F-bomb dropped at the end…)

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What do you want from me Weight Watchers?

I lost another 3 pounds this week. Thank you. Thank you. My pride and joy was soon squelched by a scolding downer when Weight Watchers proclaimed in a from response to me, on the very site I proudly entered in that 3 pound loss and charted it, that I was losing weight too rapidly. Three pounds is too rapid?? Give me a big, cellulite break!

They claim that “rapid” (again, I don’t think mine is rapid, especially given my weight), affects menstrual cycles and puts you at risk of gaining your weight back. They suggested that I increase calories. Well, now you’re talkin’! I think I definitely will be on board with that!

Quaker Oats Express Oatmeal is my new favorite snack food, and only has 3 points. I have it for lunch on Thursdays because that is veggie pizza night and I need to have a low points lunch.:

YUM.

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