My son, the Queen
Posted
January 7, 2007 at
11:05 am by
Jessica
For the past several days and nights, Graham has been pointing to a picture in an etoys catalog, begging for this:
B-E-G-G-I-N-G.
At least begging for Graham, which is a softly spoken want with a whisper of, “I want this. I want this. I want to dress up like a Princess.”
Oh, dear Lord.
Although my liberal friends, bless their bleeding hearts, might argue and plead for me to indulge his desire, citing the unfair societal restrictions and expectations on my gender focus. They might claim it’s good for him. Put him in touch with this feminine side, and be a better person for it. They might encourage me to break down those old fashion gender roles and celebrate his inner princess.
There’s only one problem with that. Given that he has self-awareness issues which stem back to his 2 month premature birth, many years of Early Intervention would tell me otherwise. It has taken longer than normal to try to help him differentiate between boys and girls and I promise you, he has no political agenda.
Even this morning he walked into my husband and my room and announced in a soft, shy and insecure tone, “I want to be a Princess.”
“Well, you can’t,” I replied.
“Why?” he asked,head tilted.
“Because that is for girls and..you. Are. A. Boy.”
(I can hear the gasps through the computer screen.)
Tags: Disney-Princess, gender-confusion, gender-identity, Parenting |
14 Responses to “My son, the Queen”
RSS feed for comments on this post.
Leave a comment
Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately in an effort to remove commercial messages, irrelevancies, excessive foul language, racist/sexist/hateful comments, spoofed/cloaked IPs and/or personal attacks and will be edited/deleted at our discretion. Thank you for your patience.
1. Snuffles said:
January 7, 2007 @ 11:28 am
I’m not gasping at all and I understand where you’re comming from. Good for you! Do you think he’s more interested in just dressing up, than actually wanting to be a princess? When my oldest was about 3 he wanted to dress up and be a princess to. I was like you and wouldn’t let him, BUT we did break out the Halloween costumes and I let him dress up in boy costumes until his heart was content. Actually, we had one of those costumes that’s more like a jacket, and he wore that toucan jacket for about a year straight. He was happy as could be and we just laughed. It worked out to be a win/win for all.
2. Jessica said:
January 7, 2007 @ 11:35 am
3. Petulant Pixie said:
January 7, 2007 @ 12:00 pm
Jess, I’d ask him to be specific about what it is he likes about that thing. It may surprise you. I do agree that proper gender identification is important. Little boys of Graham’s age typically get the gender difference and identify with their gender.
If it’s the bright colors and the silky material and the pretty jewels and so forth, maybe you could get him a king or prince set up? Really, for those who are queasy about letting boys do stereotypical girl stuff, there is always a “masculine” alternative. GI Joe’s and “action figures” are just dolls for boys.
4. Jessica said:
January 7, 2007 @ 4:39 pm
It’s a good idea, but it’s awfully abstract for someone with Graham’s delays. I did ask him though and he just kept saying “Upstairs, downstairs.”
When I would say, “Yes, but tell me why you want it - what do you want to do with it?”, he would just say, “Because I want it.” That’s as much as I could get out of him.
Even when I asked, “Do you think it’s pretty?”, he would just look at me with this look of confusion.
His IEP is in a few weeks, maybe I’ll bring it up then.
5. SewingSiren said:
January 7, 2007 @ 5:33 pm
I bet he would like a pirate chest with a lot of glittering treasure and a cool pirate outfit with a sash and sword.
6. Jessica said:
January 7, 2007 @ 5:55 pm
7. Jill said:
January 7, 2007 @ 6:28 pm
I don’t know..I tend to be pretty liberal and PC, but I still think I would feel a bit, umm, uncomfortable buying a princess dress-up set for a son. If I had a daughter who had it and he wanted to play with it…I’d allow it I suppose…but actually encouraging it is not something I could see myself doing.
8. Rachael said:
January 7, 2007 @ 6:33 pm
Jessica,
This very topic (your post) has been given me as an assignment for Babble. I think you’d be surprised at what those of us supposedly BFLs think about all this.
Seems to me, you’re a Mom making the call that is best for her son.
9. Marti Abernathey said:
January 7, 2007 @ 7:57 pm
Even for me, this is a hard one… and I’m transgender.
Thing is, I had these feelings as a small child and I wasn’t allowed to have them. My parents were VERY homophobic. IMO, if your son is gender dysphoric, he’ll be transgender whether or not you let him be a princess.
It does bother me that you’d tell you child that he can’t do something because he’s a boy, but after all he is your child.
In the end the most important thing is love him and make him feel loved and accepted, regardless of who and what he wants to be when he grows up.
10. Petulant Pixie said:
January 7, 2007 @ 9:12 pm
Well, I’m about as liberal as they come and truth be told, the boy cannot BE a princess. He could potentially grow up and then become a woman and then BE a princess, but that’s a whole different scenario.
I’m guessing his gender issues are unique to his own cognative situation and not really a problem with gender identity. He’s just a little late in grasping the gender identity concept, is all.
My son did like to dress up in things when he was 4. I didn’t specifically purchase things for him (nor did he ask for specific purchases), but he clearly knew he was a BOY that was dressing up, and when he did dress up, he laughed and thought it was a hoot, he didn’t pretend to be a girl. So, it’s a different situation than what Jess is describing.
I would do as you’re planning, get him some glittery masculine alternative and bring it up at his IP meeting to see what they suggest. I’m really guessing it’s the colors and the fabrics and the fantasy play that he’s intrigued with, and what kid that age isn’t?
11. Jessica Carlson said:
January 7, 2007 @ 10:09 pm
I’m guessing his gender issues are unique to his own cognative situation and not really a problem with gender identity. He’s just a little late in grasping the gender identity concept, is all.[/quote]
Exactly.
12. Kim said:
January 8, 2007 @ 12:02 pm
Hi. I have quite a few nieces and nephews who were all over my mom’s house at Christmas. Brian who is four loves girl things, besides carrying around a barbie for most of the day, he tried on all of my older nieces’ princess costumes. He really loves girlie things. I told my family about the movie “Kinky Boots” - I don’t think they appreciated my humor!! The ironic thing is that my other niece, Julieanna, is also four and she only wants “boy” toys, she spent most of the day playing with dinosaurs. We think as long as they are happy kids, they will all have their unique personalities.
13. eileen said:
January 8, 2007 @ 10:31 pm
I think he likes the glittery shimmery stuff…thats my vote.
I bet he would love a knights costume or a cape that shimmered. And he could have really cook pirate boots or something like that.
But this is something interesting - if my DD wanted to dress up like a pirate in boy costume stuff, or firefighter, or the other ‘typical” masculine stuff - it wouldn’t be a big deal. But I agree - I think I’de be wiggy and state, you can’t your a boy too. LOL
But - he COULD be the prince - and princes get to wear satiny shimmery coats and stuff.
14. STL Mom said:
January 11, 2007 @ 3:56 pm
Growing up with a big sister, my three-year-old son seems to have a preference for toys that are glittery and pink. He loves his sister’s old pink-and-purple Big Wheel and won’t touch the red, blue, and yellow tricycle. However, he is quite clear about being a boy, not a girl.
The New York Times had an article a few weeks ago about parents who let young children choose their own gender identity. The day after I read the article, my son said, while brushing his teeth, “I want to be a girl!” “Really, why?” I asked, trying to remain calm so my future possibly gay or transgender son would know his mother loves and accepts him no matter what. “Girls stand here,” he said, moving to the side of the stepstool where his sister usually stands to brush her teeth. Then he stepped back and forth saying, “I’m a boy! Now I’m a girl! Now I’m a boy!” while laughing hysterically.
I’m not sure if this means he is very secure in his gender identity or if he thinks it is something you can change as easily as you brush your teeth!