We often hear about the victimization of women and young girls as the tragic recipients and victims of violence. We also hear about the suppression of women and the constant struggle for equal rights and equal opportunities. It has been a long battle to shorten the gap between social and political disparities between the genders while progress continues to be made with the aid of social activists and support networks.

But boys aren’t without challenges growing up in America today either and it is easy to take for granted that boys will fend for themselves. The stereotypes of boys is both a curse and burden as girls are warned of their intentions early on, “Don’t trust boys. Boys are only after one thing. Boys try to dominate. Boys suppress their feelings and keep healthy emotions bottled up. Boys are more violent. Boys are aggressive. Boys are…”, the list goes on.

In some ways, I actually think it’s harder to be a boy growing up in America today. When a mother of only boys introduces her children to a stranger, she is often met with eyes of sympathy. I am no exception when I think about my preconceived, ideal family make-up which always included a girl to dress up like a doll and plan a ginormous wedding for. Now that I have boys and am done having children, acceptance has prevailed and I have learned to love having the challenge, uniqueness and pleasure of having boys only. I have grown to appreciate them immensely. From the request for shaggy haircuts, torn jean fashions and maxin’ and relaxin’ to Drake and Josh, life is both amusing and sweet with boys in it.

I do worry about them though and the expectations on them in our society. Will a girl come along and break their hearts, will they be discouraged from exploring boyish wonders while society forces them to get real with their feminine sides? Will teachers, historically partial to girls anyway, treat them unfairly and will they be able to find a balance between sticking up for themselves and empathy? We want our boys to embrace our expectations when it benefits our society, like providing for their families or working in the coal mines or having the strength to lift a dead body to a gurney, yet we want them to go against their biological instincts and be more like women. Our society despises them as much as they expect from them. We expect our boys to fight on the front lines and risk their lives for us, yet society tries to constantly diminish their roles and contributions. What is a boy to do?

It breaks my heart when mothers are disappointed when they hear they’re having a boy. Of course, both genders would be ideal, but my point is that boys are not a punishment and I think they are sometimes perceived as such. While we need to raise our boys to be compassionate, responsible and kind, we should also celebrate the differences between boys and girls and not attribute values to one gender over another. Boys should be celebrated too and if one is lucky to have more than one or all boys, they should count themselves lucky to be initiated into the boys club.

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Saddam Hussein… dead… dictator… rape rooms… blah, blah, there’s nothing I’m going to say that isn’t going to be all over 10,000 political blogs in the next 24 hours.

One interesting side note, however — while listening to a conservative talk-radio show last night opining about the possibility of Hussein’s hanging being videotaped and distributed, one caller said he would love to take his kids to a public execution, so they could learn first hand the consequences of crime. The host said something akin to, “Good for you, sir,” and proceeded to belittle the next caller who dared to say that it might be “inappropriate” for children to witness someone being killed.

Now, I do disagree with some of my Libertarian brethren on the subject of capital punishment — and if someone deserved to be put in the ground it was certainly Saddam Hussein — but this viewpoint that pay-per-view hangings would be good for children is bat shit crazy. I don’t even need to tell any of you that kids raised in even a semi-stable family would intuitively know that murder is wrong. Do they really need to be “scared straight”?

Unless, however, Saddam had been put to death by V-Chip/Satan, then perhaps I would plunk down the $19.95 and have everyone gather ’round with a big bowl of popcorn (naughty language alert):

And, by the way, those of you bloggers reporting that “Saddam was hung”? You may wish to read that back aloud and consider a possible edit….

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I am so bored at the office, I take frequent coffee breaks and nibble on the buffet of indulgences that people bring in to grant them more excuses to leave their desk. I can’t complain about work, I have been doing pretty well and as a reward, I treat myself to some chocolate/chocolate Oreo cookies.

Over the holidays, I managed to get a lot done, so I ate my pounds in progress. Every reward this past year has somehow included food and I have to finally concede that at 37, I have a gut. Guts are ugly. I hate my gut. My gut and my butt — major areas of conflict and competition to see which can become bigger. Sometimes I just wondered how fat I could get without spontaneously exploding. My jeans pockets have started to tear at the seams. They have given a good fight but in the end, they just couldn’t keep it together.

I saw on CNN the other night that New Year’s resolutions only set yourself up for failure. So many experts, so much food, what’s a girl to do? You know what I say? Fuck the experts. That’s right, a New Year’s resolution is in order for my fat ass.

I hereby declare a new, fit resolution and declaration. If I am still a pudge-bucket in 6 months, then I will shame my family, my friends and the whole cyber-nation of moms who still believe there is hope.

Starting January 1, 2007, I am joining Weight Watchers Online and will be reviewing the program and its effectiveness (so far, the best part seems to be when you exercise, they give you food points BACK). I am signing up for an exercise class called “Fit Boot Camp” and this ass is grass.

Mark your calendars, I am going to post a picture of my fat ass next week, so stay tuned for that. In fact, I’m going to post pictures regularly (hopefully every week) along with my progress.

Next week starts the detox program. Who’s with me? C’mon, size 14 is the average size for women in this country, somebody out there has to be as fat as I am!

Whether I have fellow participants or not, I’m going to post an update and weight loss journal every Monday and my hope would be that sisters out there will share their stories too. We’re in this together, so put that pizza down and stop eating your kids teddy grahams — 2007 is our year. Let’s get our MILFness on!

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While you are sitting there this evening, cursing the beeping, talking, whistling abominations that Santa brought this year, you can take comfort in the fact that you’re not dealing with what I am right now. Grandma decided to make good on her threat promise and gave my oldest son the one present he was really wanting this year…

continue reading…

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Adding more fuel to my immunization argument, I would like to continue to thank the anti-vac’rs for spreading misery through ignorance:

All Headline News reports the outcome from a CDC investigation regarding 66 people that contracted the measles in the United States last year, some were from Indiana and the findings show the following:

The hospital records show that 33 people from Indiana and one from Illinois became infected. Three people were hospitalized, but no one died.

Only two of the 34 had been vaccinated against measles.

According to the CDC report, “The outbreak occurred because measles was imported into a population of children whose parents had chosen not to vaccinate their children because of safety concerns, despite evidence that measles-containing vaccine is safe and effective.”

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A few weeks ago I was talking shit about how we in Chicago knew how to handle Old Man Winter by kicking him in the nuts and heading back to work. Well, apparently Denver takes him, chops off his limbs, wraps him in snow chains, and stuffs him into the trunk to help weigh down the back tires. Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve just been served.

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**WARNING: The following is intended as satire. I do not recommend sex education for toddlers or preschoolers, or really anyone under about 15 for that matter**

According to a recent study by Columbia University researchers, declines in teen pregnancy are linked to use of contraception, rather than abstinence among teenagers. While this obviously comes as a blow to the Bush Administration, I think it???‚¬?„?s a boon to those of us who believe that the more children know about sex, the earlier they know it, the better. While many would be reticent to admit it, most parents secretly believe sex and contraceptive education should begin as early as 6 weeks of age.

If you???‚¬?„?re anything like me, you frequently wrack your brains trying explain sex, reproduction and the importance of epidurals during childbirth to your young toddlers.

Luckily, there???‚¬?„?s now a resource for parents like us: Amamanta (olde englishe for ???‚¬?“look at my hoochie???‚¬??) sells educational dolls that are anatomically correct and ethnically diverse. At Amamanta the facts of life are presented with an unabashed under the microscope clarity and plainness that will leave your children stunned with the power of their new knowledge.
If your kids are anything like mine, they frequently pepper you with annoying sex related questions like, ???‚¬?“Mommy, what are orgasms????‚¬?? and ???‚¬?“Mommy, why are women so often unsatisfied sexually????‚¬??

It???‚¬?„?s exhausting.

With Amamanta, you can finally put your mind at ease. As an added bonus, these dolls can help get you around other knotty existential and philosophical questions, especially those asked during those precociously preoccupied with sex preschool years.

Q: ???‚¬?“Mommy, does it hurt when a baby is born????‚¬??

A: ???‚¬?“No darling, not really.???‚¬??

Q: ???‚¬?“Mommy, does size matter????‚¬??

A: ???‚¬?“In this case, dear, yes it does.???‚¬??

Q: ???‚¬?“Mommy, when grandma and grandpa get old and die, what will happen to them????‚¬??

A: ???‚¬?“That depends. That really depends.???‚¬??

And remember, ???‚¬?“These cuddly cloth dolls are great for playtime and can also be used as sex education props when explaining the human reproductive cycle to boys and girls ages 3 to 9???‚¬?? [emphasis added].

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Remember when libraries were for quiet study? Remember the old school-marmish librarians with the tightly wound bun on her head, the off-color stalkings and wool skirts in the summer? Remember how they would come by your table and shush you after your throat clearing quota was met? I miss her.
 
In fact, I miss libraries. Libraries have gone the way drive in movie theaters and over the head hairdryers. The new library is not even called a library, it’s now called a “media center”.
 
I miss the sanctuary of the libraries of my childhood. I miss looking up information in books instead of googling it. I miss card catalogs, manual doors and due date stamps. I miss having to ask the librarian where to find information and the smell of old books.
 
When I check out of the library today, I get a thermal paper receipt after waiting patiently in a line at the checkout because I won’t bother with the self checkout machines which only diminishing the value of real people even further. After my DVD has been scanned on the table (which hold in it’s Formica some high tech decensoring device), in order to deactivate the security alarm as I leave. The electronic media catalog brings up every book in northern Illinois, but who really needs it anyway since I have to ability to look books up at home. The old books look new because they are no longer checked out, but the flat screen monitors that act as the window to online research is alive with sound. Annoying sound. In fact, there is sound everywhere.
 
The children’s department is full of computers with various games and even offers a listening station for books on CDs with CD players attached to the wall with headphones. The DVD section is larger than the old video store I used to visit as a teen. A play area is abuzz with children jumping on gigantic animal pillows and playing Thomas the Train. A mother is on her cell phone, ignoring her child while secure in the confines of this redefined “media center”. Children are knocking down other children’s hard earned masterpieces and the parents - oblivious - continue to talk to each other and make and take phone calls. The kids run wild and are embarrassingly ill-behaved and loud.
 
I am upstairs in the adult section, trying to get some work done while my older son is practicing his yu-gi-oh skills in a hobby league downstairs. I’ve had to move…twice. If I came here for quiet study time, the nations new “media center” is not the place to find it. Last time my husband was here, he sought out a far and out of the way table to connect to the wireless system and to read an old-fashion, paper filled book. Reading became a chore as a group of loud teenagers laughed, talked and socialized a few tables over.
 
I say screw these media centers. I yearn for the nostalgia of an old-fashion library. No wonder people climb mountains to search for peace. I’m temped to check out a book and pitch a tent in my backyard. What does a girl have to do around here to get some book reading quiet? Certainly not go to the library, the library no longer exists and library manners are now a thing of the past. No wonder old people like me are cranky!

 

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I realize that it’s possible that you haven’t yet heard about Her Bad Auction.?‚? If you’re living under a rock, that is.

Her Bad Mother is a lovely Canadian blogger who first wrote last spring about her nephew Tanner.?‚? Tanner has Duchenne’s Muscular Dystrophy.?‚? In short, it’s a terminal disease that is already affecting his level of activity.?‚? There is no cure.

A sad corollary to Tanner’s condition is that it frightens others - children and parents alike.?‚? While he has a wonderfully supportive family, he’s lacking the social network of playdates and birthday parties that a young boy would normally enjoy.

Her Bad Auction is intended primarily to raise money and raise awareness of Muscular Dystrophy by raffling off over 40 fantastic prizes - tickets are either $1 or $5 depending on the value of the prize - and donating the proceeds to MD Canada.

But there’s another objective that will benefit Tanner directly:?‚? We’re asking people to have their children write letters to Tanner.?‚? Letters, cards, pictures, even scribbles of crayon - all of these will show Tanner that many people care for him.?‚? That people he’s never met are thinking of him and wishing him well.?‚? Specific instructions can be found on the auction site.

It’s a wonderful way to show our children how they can get involved in the spirit of the season, no matter how young they are.

And buy a ticket for yourself while you’re at it.?‚? You have to be in it to win it, and every little bit helps.

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From today’s Bellingham Herald:

About 4 p.m. on May 29, law enforcement officers were called to a house in the 4100 block of Tiopi Loop, where an adult was performing CPR on 4?‚??-monthold Tyrell Jackson. Attempts at resuscitation failed and firefighters noticed Tyrell was ???‚¬?“emaciated and appeared to be nothing more than skin and bones.”

Further investigation found that the infant in question had been starved to death.

According to the investigators, it takes “weeks” for a baby to die of malnutrition. The mother in the case is now being charged with first degree murder.
While historically infanticide has been a feature of societies including ancient India, China, and Greece among others, the modern propensity to murder our children seems particularly stark, given the degree of medical advances and options for population control we’ve achieved.

According to Dr. Larry Milner, of the Society for the Prevention of Infanticide, infanticide is directly correlated to maternal age, level of education and employment, drug abuse, poverty and other criminal behavior. Women are more likely than men to murder their babies, with white women more likely than black women to do so. “Most of the murders today are committed with the use of the mother’s hands, either by strangulation or physical punishment,” states Dr. Milner.
A 1998 article on CNN.com, points out that the ability of caseworkers to intervene when risk of severe abuse and neglect are present has been crippled by the double-punch of funding cuts and increased need for service.

“Most of the million cases of child abuse each year end up on the desk of the nation’s child protective services caseworkers, who must make life and death decisions even though they lack adequate time, tools and money to protect children.”

One can imagine it has only gotten worse since 1998.

What is one to make of this? Will more money, more programs help dissuade those on the edge from harming or killing their children? I know some of my favorite Libertarians disagree, but I have to believe that structural and endemic changes are required in order for these key risk factors to be addressed and in order for these moms to not feel so desperate that the only option they see is ending their child’s life.

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