‘Me’ Time in Milan?
Posted
November 3, 2006 at
1:18 pm by
Redsy
Recently, the New York Times printed a piece on working moms who use business travel as an opportunity to find some ‘me’ time. Titled, “Working Mothers Find Some Peace on the Road,” the opening paragraph begins thusly:
Before Lucia Skwarek, a portfolio manager and mother in New York City, gets on a plane bound for business in Moscow or Milan, there are not only meetings, but play dates to schedule. When she is done wooing investors for her hedge fund and parsing a pile of e-mail messages, though, Ms. Skwarek looks forward to a little ???‚¬?“me???‚¬?? time.
As you might expect, the piece generated excoriating remarks as well as cries of recognition and support from working mothers. I found the article interesting, but I found the comments it evoked fascinating.
Here is a remark typical of the ‘excoriating’ variety:
If a woman doesn???‚¬?„?t feel that she can be a mother without ???‚¬?“time away,” perhaps she should re-think her priorities and/or consider not having children. I have been an at home mother for the past year and a half and have not once wished for a ???‚¬?“vacation???‚¬?? from my family.
And on the other side, this:
I used to get to the airport early just to be able to sit and read. The plane trip itself became enjoyable. I did minimize my travel when my sons were young and missed them, but a good night???‚¬?„?s sleep was pure heaven. An unforeseen advantage of leaving children with their fathers is that it gives the fathers extra time to bond with their children.
Aside from the obvious point that this article deals with a relatively well-off minority of business travelers (’me’ time in Milan? Come on) and seems newsworthy primarily because it’s about business women, it raises some interesting questions for today’s parents:
- What amount of ‘me’ time is reasonable?
- Do children suffer if parents travel for work or is it an important opportunity to build their relationship to other caregivers?
- What is the difference between ’self-care’ and plain old ’selfish’?
Arguably, earlier generations’ self-sacrifice and self-abnegation created resentment and martyrdom, but sometimes I fear my generation is taking the opposite tack a bit too far.
Can’t we take loving care of our children and ourselves? By their nature, children (especially young ones) have needs that supercede the needs of adults. Security, love, comfort, and safety (not to mention 800 meals a day) are so critical in the early years, that a little selflessness is a small price for parents to pay. Yet a stressed out, depressed, and miserable person doesn’t parent as well as one who occasionally has an opportunity to replenish and renew his or her energies.
In the end, I think these are incendiary issues because people realize that when it comes to the care of children, we’re predicting the sort of society we all stand to inherit in the next 10 - 20 years. According to the commenters on the NY Times article, it will either be a world full of selfish terrors, or one populated by polite, other-centered individuals.
I think the truth lies somewhere in between.
Tags: News-&-Politics |
6 Responses to “‘Me’ Time in Milan?”
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1. Meg said:
November 3, 2006 @ 4:33 pm
I feel so strongly that mothers need time to be women and friends. I have worked really hard to get to a place where I could stop working outside of the home. I thought about it every day while I was working. I’ve been home now for about 2 1/2 years. I am imvested wholely in my family. Part of that investment is making sure I am balanced and in proper shape to care for them.
I am passionate about women needing other women in their lives. Having a support network of other moms that I see regularly helps me to be a better mother and a better wife.
2. Amy said:
November 3, 2006 @ 4:43 pm
I have friends who travel for work, and they work hard when they go away and get no time for themselves. They are upper-level executives who work very hard. They might enjoy the luxury of reading a book on a plane, but they also miss out on class parties and birthdays and book reports. And, not everyone has a husband at home taking care of the kids when they are gone. That’s ridiculously presumptuous! Many women work because they have to, and travel is required. They end up with jet lag at soccer games on Saturday mornings.
On the other hand, mothers who stay home and desire no time away from their families are either saints - or flipping nuts.
Just my opinion, of course.
3. Cristina said:
November 4, 2006 @ 12:13 am
Interesting issue. Mothers have enough to worry about. Do we really have to feel guilty for enjoying the little breaks we have from our kids now? I just can’t believe some people would make a mother feel guilty for this.
I work 3 days a week and I stay home 4 days a week so I have the interesting perspective of being both a SAHM and a working mom and I’ll tell you this: sometimes I look forward to the days I go to work. The reason why I look forward to it is that I get “me” time. That may seem strange (how can work be “me” time?) but for me it is. My job is challenging but not stressful and I enjoy it. Does it make me a bad mother for not wanting to be with my son 24/7? No. Should a mother feel guilty for enjoying a plane trip or a car ride commute to work b/c she gets to be alone with her thoughts? Hell no. And anyone who tries to say that a mother who enjoys some alone time is a bad mother IS “flipping nuts”, in the words of the previous commenter.
4. PunditMom said:
November 4, 2006 @ 9:07 am
CrankMama, I posted about this earlier in the week, as well, but hadn’t seen the comments to the article. It is amazong to me that anyone could say that a mom who wants a little time for herself away from her children (GASP!) shouldn’t have children. Even if it’s only an overnite, I feel rejuvenated when I return and I know I am a better mother when I have a little “me” time.
5. Jessica Carlson said:
November 4, 2006 @ 1:35 pm
I actually think our mothers and our Grandmothers had more “me time” than we do. The reason is that previous parenting generations lived among a community and family. My Grandparents took me and my brother and sister all the time. We also walked to friends houses, at a very young age, the houses would take turns and all moms were able to dust in peace at one time or another. Plus, kids were just forced to entertain themselves and roam the neighborhood freely. That’s not done anymore.
Everyone needs a break and to the mothers that tsk tsk those moms who admit it, they probably need some sort of validation for either not being able to do that or being in an environment that promotes guilt for for desiring anything for herself.
There is a difference between a mom who doesn’t want to be around her kids (or hates being a mom) and a mother who uses her identity other than mom, to make her a better parent.
6. Sonia said:
November 6, 2006 @ 10:44 pm
When I first started this journey of SAH mothering, I thought that I shouldn’t want any time to myself; that naptime was enough of a break. I still cherish the amazing nap, but I realize that I am a much happier, more interesting, more generous person when I have had some time to myself. Sad to think that all those months I kept thinking of my friends who work at paying jobs and felt pity for them that they were missing out on such fabulous time. Now I realize that they have made concessions, as I have, and enjoy their own parenting lives. Oh, and I’ve gotten a lot better at calling up my own mother and father and setting up times to make sure our little guy gets to enjoy hanging out with each of them too. They kept me and my siblings alive, I figure they could do that again for a few hours.
We seriously have to give up this whole battle with who is a better parent. *especially Moms* As long as our children are healthy, reasonably happy and safe, oh and very much loved, then we are doing our jobs. Period.