In a move that I naively thought was uniquely American, Reuters is reporting that a school in the heavily Catholic Spain is canceling Christmas.

MADRID (Reuters) - The Hilarion Gimeno school in Zaragoza said teachers had put forward various reasons for not celebrating Christmas, but ABC said the worry was that Muslim children might be upset.

That may be the best reason yet for us here in America to clearly draw the line between church and state in our schools — so we don’t upset the Muslims. Because they get angry. And you wouldn’t like them when they’re angry. A war on Christmas ain’t nothin’ compared to a jihad on Papa Noel.

Bill O’Reilly has already declared a boycott on tapas, sangria, and Penelope Cruz. King Carlos? You’re on notice.

Last night we faced a crisis that most American families endure on a regular basis — one that requires deep thought, introspection, and serious discussion.

What should we get on our pizza?

After going around and around for hours — thin or thick? Spinach and bacon? Sausage? Hawaiian? Veggie Lovers? — the endless gazing at the pizzeria’s menu revealed an interesting fact. Two 10″ pizzas are $.75 cheaper than one 18″ pizza. Huzzah! Our problems were solved! For less money we could order TWO! WHOLE! DIFFERENT! PIZZAS! We shall feast like kings on this prosperous night — anchovies for everyone!

But cheesy bounty does not grace the Carlson doorstep often, so I grew cynical. Surely this must be too good to be true. I reached into the depths of my brain, struggling to recall the lessons from sophomore high school geometry (Hi, Mr. Burton!). How do you figure the area of a circle again? Something to do with pi…. Eureka! I remembered. Gather ’round, children, Papa’s gonna do some calculatin’!

So, are two 10″ pizzas more food than one 18″ pizza? If you haven’t fallen asleep yet, the answer is after the jump.

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Get your mind out of the gutter, I’m talking about classroom size. Pop quiz — you have a choice for your 2nd grader: a class with 30 kids, or only 20? Seems like a no-brainer, but a story in the Chicago Sun Times indicates it’s perhaps not quite as intuitive as it seems:

The 25 highest-scoring schools in CPS [Chicago Public Schools] average roughly seven more kids in their primary classrooms than the 25 highest-scoring suburban schools, or about 27 kids vs. 20, a Chicago Sun-Times analysis of state public school data indicates…Chicago’s 25 lowest-scoring schools averaged around 7½ fewer kids per primary classroom than the city’s 25 highest-scoring schools, the most recent state data indicate.

Last year, a school in Chicago’s Edgebrook neighborhood topped out at 40 kids for its only 1st grade class — and posted the highest test scores for the city’s neighborhood schools. I know around here it seems the big bitch of the majority of parents focuses primarily on class size. Perhaps if we shift our mindset a bit and instead look to improve the things that principals cite as being most influential on education quality — poverty, teacher quality, and parental involvement — instead of blindly throwing money at school construction budgets, we might be able to slowly form an effective grassroots organization to fix the mess of our education system.

A few months after we bought my Suburban, I was driving around at night and felt the need to hit the automatic door lock. It was dark and I didn’t want to take my eyes off of the road, but I couldn’t figure out which end of the oblong button to hit. Both ends, when pushed, made an identical sound. I guess locking and unlocking sounded the same to me at the time. One end was smooth and the other end had raised lines which, I assumed, was the part of the button to press in order to keep myself safe inside the car.

When I got home my husband got a flashlight and pointed out to me that the raised lines were for unlocking the car. I was momentarily confused. Wouldn’t one naturally feel around for the braille-like end of the button in order to lock the doors against external dangers? He told me that, according to most people’s way of thinking, the danger lay in being locked inside a car that was either submerged in water, on fire, or on the verge of exploding after impact. A passenger or driver needed to be able to feel for and find that button in order to escape the car, rather than be sealed inside it. Certainly the car makers felt the same way he did and the fact that he and I viewed danger in such drastically different ways gave me pause.

Though I am not a very traditional female, I was, as the oldest of three daughters, raised to be just such a person. For better or for worse, my upbringing taught me that dangers lay in the external world and safety was to be found while locked inside one’s home or…while driving around at night…inside the car. My husband, the oldest of three sons, told me that it was the ability to escape the car, or any other dangerous situation, that made the most sense to him and…obviously…everyone else who makes cars.

I admit, it makes complete sense to me now, but I’m still amazed at my knee-jerk reaction to the concept of danger, how it comes to us and which way is best to find safety or refuge. Is this a male/female thing? Or just a symptom of the way I was raised? I still think it’s important to be able to lock your doors quickly and it’s also crucial to be able to flee the car at a moment’s notice. But, in an emergency when one acts by instinct and under stress, how are we supposed to tell the difference between the act of locking or unlocking the car? I mean…back in the day it was easy to tell. The knob was either up or it was down. Am I the only person who thinks about this stuff?

That is, unless you happen to be part of the Loma Linda Homeowners Association.

According to the Associated Press, the Loma Linda Homeowners Association in Pagosa Springs, Colorado is taking a zero tolerance approach when it comes to peace-loving holiday decor this year.

A homeowners association in southwestern Colorado has threatened to fine a resident $25 a day until she removes a Christmas wreath with a peace sign that some say is an anti-Iraq war protest or a symbol of Satan.

No, I am not making this up for good blog fodder. This is actually true.

Hard to believe though? I’d say so.

How anyone could take offense to the peace symbol is beyond me. I mean, I know that homeowners associations have the right to their rules -?‚? no matter how inane those rules may be -?‚? but let’s get real here for a second. This is a holiday garland in the form of a peace symbol. What are people going to take offense to next? Frosty the Snowman decorations?

Now, granted, there were only a few homeowners who complained. But the thought that anyone would complain completely befuddles me. And furthermore, the idea that a homeowner would be fined close to $1000 for?‚? hanging up a?‚? peace sign wreath because it’s “divisive”?‚? is just plain sad.

The article states that some of?‚? those who complained have children serving in Iraq and were offended by the peace symbol because they viewed it as an anti-war protest. Again, this befuddles me. Regardless of our stance on the war or whether or not we have relatives serving in Iraq, who doesn’t want peace? Besides,?‚? if my child were serving in Iraq, wouldn’t that make peace on Earth, and particularly in the Middle East, even more important? (On a side note, the woman facing charges has said that the peace sign was not politically motivated.)

I guess the whole thing is just another reminder to me of why I want to avoid homeowners associations. You may not have to worry about your neighbor painting his house purple, but you might?‚? have to start worrying a lot more about your Christmas decor. Because let’s face it, nothing says Satan like a peace-sign garland, right??‚?

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