In a move that I naively thought was uniquely American, Reuters is reporting that a school in the heavily Catholic Spain is canceling Christmas.

MADRID (Reuters) - The Hilarion Gimeno school in Zaragoza said teachers had put forward various reasons for not celebrating Christmas, but ABC said the worry was that Muslim children might be upset.

That may be the best reason yet for us here in America to clearly draw the line between church and state in our schools — so we don’t upset the Muslims. Because they get angry. And you wouldn’t like them when they’re angry. A war on Christmas ain’t nothin’ compared to a jihad on Papa Noel.

Bill O’Reilly has already declared a boycott on tapas, sangria, and Penelope Cruz. King Carlos? You’re on notice.

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Last night we faced a crisis that most American families endure on a regular basis — one that requires deep thought, introspection, and serious discussion.

What should we get on our pizza?

After going around and around for hours — thin or thick? Spinach and bacon? Sausage? Hawaiian? Veggie Lovers? — the endless gazing at the pizzeria’s menu revealed an interesting fact. Two 10″ pizzas are $.75 cheaper than one 18″ pizza. Huzzah! Our problems were solved! For less money we could order TWO! WHOLE! DIFFERENT! PIZZAS! We shall feast like kings on this prosperous night — anchovies for everyone!

But cheesy bounty does not grace the Carlson doorstep often, so I grew cynical. Surely this must be too good to be true. I reached into the depths of my brain, struggling to recall the lessons from sophomore high school geometry (Hi, Mr. Burton!). How do you figure the area of a circle again? Something to do with pi…. Eureka! I remembered. Gather ’round, children, Papa’s gonna do some calculatin’!

So, are two 10″ pizzas more food than one 18″ pizza? If you haven’t fallen asleep yet, the answer is after the jump.

continue reading…

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Get your mind out of the gutter, I’m talking about classroom size. Pop quiz — you have a choice for your 2nd grader: a class with 30 kids, or only 20? Seems like a no-brainer, but a story in the Chicago Sun Times indicates it’s perhaps not quite as intuitive as it seems:

The 25 highest-scoring schools in CPS [Chicago Public Schools] average roughly seven more kids in their primary classrooms than the 25 highest-scoring suburban schools, or about 27 kids vs. 20, a Chicago Sun-Times analysis of state public school data indicates…Chicago’s 25 lowest-scoring schools averaged around 7½ fewer kids per primary classroom than the city’s 25 highest-scoring schools, the most recent state data indicate.

Last year, a school in Chicago’s Edgebrook neighborhood topped out at 40 kids for its only 1st grade class — and posted the highest test scores for the city’s neighborhood schools. I know around here it seems the big bitch of the majority of parents focuses primarily on class size. Perhaps if we shift our mindset a bit and instead look to improve the things that principals cite as being most influential on education quality — poverty, teacher quality, and parental involvement — instead of blindly throwing money at school construction budgets, we might be able to slowly form an effective grassroots organization to fix the mess of our education system.

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A few months after we bought my Suburban, I was driving around at night and felt the need to hit the automatic door lock. It was dark and I didn’t want to take my eyes off of the road, but I couldn’t figure out which end of the oblong button to hit. Both ends, when pushed, made an identical sound. I guess locking and unlocking sounded the same to me at the time. One end was smooth and the other end had raised lines which, I assumed, was the part of the button to press in order to keep myself safe inside the car.

When I got home my husband got a flashlight and pointed out to me that the raised lines were for unlocking the car. I was momentarily confused. Wouldn’t one naturally feel around for the braille-like end of the button in order to lock the doors against external dangers? He told me that, according to most people’s way of thinking, the danger lay in being locked inside a car that was either submerged in water, on fire, or on the verge of exploding after impact. A passenger or driver needed to be able to feel for and find that button in order to escape the car, rather than be sealed inside it. Certainly the car makers felt the same way he did and the fact that he and I viewed danger in such drastically different ways gave me pause.

Though I am not a very traditional female, I was, as the oldest of three daughters, raised to be just such a person. For better or for worse, my upbringing taught me that dangers lay in the external world and safety was to be found while locked inside one’s home or…while driving around at night…inside the car. My husband, the oldest of three sons, told me that it was the ability to escape the car, or any other dangerous situation, that made the most sense to him and…obviously…everyone else who makes cars.

I admit, it makes complete sense to me now, but I’m still amazed at my knee-jerk reaction to the concept of danger, how it comes to us and which way is best to find safety or refuge. Is this a male/female thing? Or just a symptom of the way I was raised? I still think it’s important to be able to lock your doors quickly and it’s also crucial to be able to flee the car at a moment’s notice. But, in an emergency when one acts by instinct and under stress, how are we supposed to tell the difference between the act of locking or unlocking the car? I mean…back in the day it was easy to tell. The knob was either up or it was down. Am I the only person who thinks about this stuff?

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That is, unless you happen to be part of the Loma Linda Homeowners Association.

According to the Associated Press, the Loma Linda Homeowners Association in Pagosa Springs, Colorado is taking a zero tolerance approach when it comes to peace-loving holiday decor this year.

A homeowners association in southwestern Colorado has threatened to fine a resident $25 a day until she removes a Christmas wreath with a peace sign that some say is an anti-Iraq war protest or a symbol of Satan.

No, I am not making this up for good blog fodder. This is actually true.

Hard to believe though? I’d say so.

How anyone could take offense to the peace symbol is beyond me. I mean, I know that homeowners associations have the right to their rules -?‚? no matter how inane those rules may be -?‚? but let’s get real here for a second. This is a holiday garland in the form of a peace symbol. What are people going to take offense to next? Frosty the Snowman decorations?

Now, granted, there were only a few homeowners who complained. But the thought that anyone would complain completely befuddles me. And furthermore, the idea that a homeowner would be fined close to $1000 for?‚? hanging up a?‚? peace sign wreath because it’s “divisive”?‚? is just plain sad.

The article states that some of?‚? those who complained have children serving in Iraq and were offended by the peace symbol because they viewed it as an anti-war protest. Again, this befuddles me. Regardless of our stance on the war or whether or not we have relatives serving in Iraq, who doesn’t want peace? Besides,?‚? if my child were serving in Iraq, wouldn’t that make peace on Earth, and particularly in the Middle East, even more important? (On a side note, the woman facing charges has said that the peace sign was not politically motivated.)

I guess the whole thing is just another reminder to me of why I want to avoid homeowners associations. You may not have to worry about your neighbor painting his house purple, but you might?‚? have to start worrying a lot more about your Christmas decor. Because let’s face it, nothing says Satan like a peace-sign garland, right??‚?

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Last week while dropping off my older daughter in her pre-school classroom, I was chatting with her teachers when I heard another child call from across the room:?‚? “You shouldn’t say ‘Oh my God’.?‚? My mommy says so.”

Feeling a little bit feisty, I replied, “Well, your mommy’s not here; I am.?‚? And I say that it’s okay to say that.”

But is it?

Obviously the children don’t set and enforce the rules in the class; the teachers do.?‚? And while I know that the hallowed Seven Dirty Words are off-limits (plus a few others), what about taking the Lord’s name in vain?

My personal standpoint is that I don’t mind if my children say words like “God”?‚? or “Jesus”.?‚? I want them to understand that other people may take those words much more seriously and will alter their personal usage accordingly, such as saying “Gosh” or “Criminey”.

I don’t even mind if the girls come home repeating choice phrases straight from the Seven Dirty Words.?‚? That’s my opportunity to let them know exactly which words I don’t consider appropriate.

But what I do mind is when other people try to enforce their arbitrary rules on my children.?‚? For example, my mother-in-law once tried to teach my older daughter to respond “God bless you!” when people sneeze.?‚? My husband shot that lesson down right away.?‚? Saying “God bless you!” is not mandatory, nor is it even necessarily good manners.?‚? I say “Thank you” when someone blesses me, but I wouldn’t be offended if they didn’t.?‚? I probably wouldn’t even notice.

Likewise, I don’t mind if my older daughter’s classmate doesn’t take the Lord’s name in vain.?‚? I think it’s admirable that she is following her mother’s rules.?‚? But those rules apply to her, not to my daughter or anyone else in the class.

Where do you draw the line in terms of others extending their rules to apply to you or your children?

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Over the past year, I have gained a lot of weight. I am on the verge of going up a size and definitely in the throws of being uncomfortable in the clothes I do have. Although I could exercise a lot more and eat a little better than I do, truth be told, I don’t eat all that badly. I don’t exercise as much as I should, in fact, I don’t really exercise at all.

Next year, I have my 20-year high school reunion and a big society event to attend and I do not want to be fat. My friends tell me not to worry, everybody will probably be fat and I respond, “Yeah, but I don’t want to be one of them!” Throughout the years I have gone up and down, but I have never weighed as much as I do now, for as long as I have. Since 2003, after my second son was born, it has been an uphill battle. I would like to blame the c-section and the stress of have a very premature baby, but truth is, I lost all of my baby fat within a few weeks after surgery. I have struggled the past few years of trying to fine with it, to hating myself for it.

Recently, I had a routine blood draw to test my thyroid level. 12 years ago I had most of my thyroid removed because of a nasty growth. I have been taking synthroid, a synthetic thyroid hormone replacement medication since then. I haven’t been tested for the past few years because it was always the same. This time, my doctor said we had better check it. Turns out, I am now hypothyroid, meaning that my metabolism has slowed to an abnormal level. Increases and blood draws are in my future for the next year. I am hoping this is the reason for my sluggish body. I don’t need to be model thin, I just want to fit into my clothes again!

We brought up our exercise bike, parked it in front of the TV in our bedroom and I plan on taking this new information and making it work for me. I also need some good ab exercises. Any suggestions, besides old-fashion crunches? I hate crunches and I never feel like I’m in the right form.

So, any MILFS want to join me? I know it’s close to the holidays, but I thought I (we) could start with baby steps. Exercise and then cutting back on calories after the 1st. I’ll keep you posted on my progress.

On a totally different note:

I have discovered the key to great hair color at home. Buy 2 or 3 shades and mix them together. You will get far more natural results. Use one color as your base color, something close to what you already have! It’s been many a trial and error for me and I think I have finally perfected it!

Okay, MILFS — power to ya!

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One routine debate that comes up on The Imperfect Parent forums quarterly is the introduction of gay lifestyles into the  public classroom. The debate is contentious and emotional and almost always ends with name-calling.

Dennis Prager, a conservative radio show host, contends that the gay marriage debate will be a defining factor in our nation, one that further separates and divides us much in the way abortion has. In some ways, it’s even more divisive, but the issue is not solely owned by the conservative movement. Given that 9 stated voted on banning gay marriage and only one moved not to, it is becoming clear that conflicting beliefs span over party lines.

It’s been my experience that more liberal leaning parents tend to side with integrating gay/bi/trans issues into early education, even as early as preschool; as a means to teach tolerance. My experience also tells me that more right leaning parents are opposed to it, arguing the rights of parents to introduce these types of issues and using tax dollars to what they see as indoctrination of children. While the deciding votes may be left up to the moderates, it becomes a heated debate in which people cannot help themselves from issuing personal attacks against each other.

In the recent past, news stories have surfaced about “diversity programs” in which young children in public schools read books that feature two dads or two moms, or organizations, designed to spread positive feeling and viewpoints about gay/bi/trans people. It usually makes news when a parent protests and asks why there wasn’t an opt-out program or why they weren’t informed and lastly, why this is part of the natural academic curriculum. These parents are either chastised or praised, according to ones personal beliefs.

This issue is still such that we are in the throws of determining a general consensus and a cultural and societal position on gay marriage, it’s no wonder it always become so explosive and heated. More and more, it is becoming about the norms that are mandated by the government and imposed on children. Children become the pawns of the political wars and at what cost? If we agree that there needs to be clear division of church and state, can we not see that the same of political agendas? Children get caught in the middle of whatever their parents political viewpoints are, which is fine at home, but is it okay at school?

For me, it’s not a matter of gay rights or whether or not alternative lifestyles are moral or immoral, but rather what is appropriate for young children. I also don’t trust schools and administrators (we all know how well American schools are run, right?) to teach a young child a complicated, grown-up matter in a way that preserves a child’s self-identity. In other words – doesn’t confuse them as to what being gay/bi/trans really is. I would rather leave that up to parents to explain to their children, even if that means some parents might pass on values and judgements that I don’t agree with because whether I agree with them or not, that is their right and unfortunately, their children will have to suffer the consequences of those teachings.

In my mind, children need more reading, writing and arithmetic and less responsibility for every-one’s self-worth. I hear small children made fun of by other parents for being naive, instead of celebrating their innocence. Let small children be little for just a little longer. Schools can teach universal acts of kindness and tolerance without expecting them to fight the battles of grown-ups and for that my friends, I am often times accused of being a bigot. You will have to take my word for it, that I am most certainly not a bigot and I wish no ill-will on gay couples or gay individuals, nor do I think they are doing anything wrong. What I do think is that relationships are complicated. Sex is complicated. Life is complicated — too complicated for small children to fully comprehend.

What do you think?

Should gay/bi/trans lifestyles be introduced to children as young as preschool?

 

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Although I tend to be liberal on most issues, that doesn’t mean that I agree with every Democrat all the time. Case in point: House Democrat Rep. Charles Rangel has just announced that he will be proposing a measure in the next few months to reinstate the draft.?‚? One of his reasons for making this proposal is to “deter politicians from launching wars.”

“There’s no question in my mind that this president and this administration would never have invaded Iraq, especially on the flimsy evidence that was presented to the Congress, if indeed we had a draft and members of Congress and the administration thought that their kids from their communities would be placed in harm’s way,” Rangel said.

Um, is it just me or is that a really bad reason to reinstate the draft? What kind of crazy reverse psychology game is he trying to play??‚? I’m pretty sure that I don’t want the draft used as a way to double dog dare the administration to go to war. Because newsflash, Rangel, they may decide to go to war anyway. Are you ready to?‚? allow your children or grandchildren to be drafted into a war they may not even believe in? Because I’m not. And I’m pretty sure most Americans aren’t either.

The good news is that there is almost no chance in hell that this will pass through Congress given that Rangel has already failed twice to pass?‚? similar legislation. Maybe he should take the hint and figure out a better way to deter politicians from going to war.

Hmmmmm…?‚? Might I suggest the upcoming Global Orgasm for Peace Rally?

?‚?

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I really wish I was kidding about this product.

Campers, this is a real product in the marketplace. The Lindsay Lohan doll with her SUV…that has a hotub in it. Details about this white trash item are here in a recent celebitchy post.

Please join me in a collective “EW”. Makes me long for the good old days, with the regular 46 inch bust, bleached blonde reguar old trampy Barbie?‚?®. How about you?

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