Happy Cheeseburgers Come From Happy Cows…or something like that.
Posted
October 25, 2006 at
4:01 pm by
Stacy
Before people start throwing rocks at me, I’d like to go on record as saying that I know that I’m a hypocrite. I didn’t need to be told because I figured it out all on my own. But… I’m in good company because we, all of us on this great planet, fail on a daily basis to completely “hold the line” when we presume to stand for some great cause.
I could make a laundry list of well-known people who speak out of both sides of their mouths, but that would take more energy that I’ve got at the moment. Besides, you can watch FOX NEWs anytime you want and save me the trouble. For my own part, I catch myself in moments of duplicity all the time, but one that comes to mind right now is my stance on eating meat.
I love meat. I’ll never be a vegetarian, though I have quite a few friends who live happily by that philosophy. It doesn’t bother me. In spite of the fact that I eat beef, chicken, venison, and pork, I also consider myself a person in favor of treating animals ethically. (Like I said…I’m a hypocrite) I watch “Animal Planet” with my kids and frequently wish a slow and painful death upon the idiots of this world who mistreat the animals entrusted to their care. I suppose this cancels out the fact that I also think of myself as a fairly humane person (albeit one who wishes death on certain people) and I delude myself into believing this because I don’t wear fur. See? I’m all over the place with regard to animals, but I live in Texas, for pity’s sake. Wearing fur here is nothing more than an affectation. A wasteful affectation, if you ask me.
But I’m here to talk about meat and, after reading today’s New York Times, I want to address the kinds of lives animals live right up until the moment they walk toward the great white light and wind up on a styrofoam square covered with cellophane. But first– get a load of this:
“ Whole Foods Market is preparing to roll out a line of meats that will carry labels saying ‘ANIMAL COMPASSIONATE,’ indicating that the animals were raised in a humane manner until they were slaughtered.” You know…just to let us know the cows were happy in their final hours.
I’m sorry, but I think this kind labeling is just a little silly. I’m all for treating cows well. This also goes for any other animals who patiently stand in line one day after lunch only to be surprised by a unpleasant jolt from a stun gun. But the fact that we’re breeding these animals in order to kill them later on is just a fact….an ugly one but a fact nonetheless. A note from the rancher confessing that he sang them a medley of Rosemary Clooney songs right before he pulled the trigger isn’t going to make me feel better about the process. What’s next? Maybe the fine print on the meat labels will look something like this:
To our customer:
Let us take a moment to reflect upon the life lived by your rump roast of choice, Mavis. She was treated, like all the ungulates purchased by SwiftPro Foods, with dignity and respect. She spent her days walking freely about our 10,000 acre compound while munching on natural grasses, having a conjugal visit with her special friend Ernesto, or napping peacefully in a semi-private stall that was painted in complimentary hues of cream and soft yellow and well stocked with aromatherapy candles. Mavis’ handlers spoke to her only in dulcet tones and, on occasion, read aloud to her from the works of Emily Dickenson and Edna St. Vincent Millay. Mavis enjoyed a good massage and submitted herself twice weekly to the skilled hands of our in-house therapist, Dave. She was a cow with a well-formed sense of humor and watching reruns of Seinfeld helped her to understand the irony of her own existence–one in which she was cared for and nurtured lovingly, only to be killed and rendered for the benefit of carnivores like yourself. Mavis, like many cows, wasn’t all that smart was resigned to her fate and we feel fairly confident that, had she not been forced into service, she would have given her life gladly for a cause she barely understood. Perhaps that’s because we kept it a secret from her. That’s how much we care. At SwiftPro foods, we think of Mavis as a hero..a patriot. And as she walked bravely and seemingly unaware towards her fate (To the strains of “Morning Mood” from the Peer Gynt Suite No. 1 Op.46…a Mavis favorite) we knew that our complete and utter dedication to her happiness and well-being would result in one damn fine filet. Call me a silly romantic, but I believe the way she rolled her eye at me just before she fell through the chute was a kind of “thank you” for all we do to keep our cows contented. Or maybe that’s just the way cows look after they’ve been stunned. Either way…enjoy your meal.
Gary (Mavis’ life coach) SwiftPro Foods.
Yeah…I feel better about eating meat already.
Tags: food-processing, happy-cows, meat, vegetarianism |
11 Responses to “Happy Cheeseburgers Come From Happy Cows…or something like that.”
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1. Nils Ling said:
October 25, 2006 @ 11:31 pm
Heeheehee … brilliant.
I, too, am an omnivore, and I’m bemused by the whole comcept of “humane slaughter”. I don’5t have any real response to the charge that I am a hypocrite, except to say to the person criticizing me “If you don’t shut up, I will kill and eat YOU.”
For some reason this essay reminded me of a comedy routine by a Canadian comic named Mark Farrell which goes something like this:
“Don’t you think some animals got a shit deal? Talk about your bad negotiators. Can you see the animals’ union rep calling a meeting and saying “OK, we’ve been able to get some concessions, but we’ve had to give some things up, too. Now, for you dogs and cats, well, the humans will basically take you into their homes, pat you, give you unlimited love, feed and water you and give you toys and play with you and cuddle you, and at the end of your life you’ll get a tiny pinprick and just gently meander off into a deep sleep.”
“Now, for you cows and chickens … the news isn’t quite so good …”
2. Andrea said:
October 26, 2006 @ 6:48 am
See–here’s the thing.
Most cows today are raised in feedlots. This means that they are packed into tiny little spaces, knee-deep in their own manure. They are fed stuff their stomachs can’t digest, which makes them sick (and which is why we need to pump them full of antibiotics to keep their meat ’safe’ to eat). They are treated, not like living things, but like stock, from teh moment of their birth until their slaughter. It is incredibly inhumane and painful AND it makes the meat less safe for us to eat, so it’s all around stupid. If you want a full description of exactly what kinds of horrible living conditions exist for cows on factory farms, “The Omnivore’s Dilemma” is a really good book.
Or this will give you a brief intro– http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Concentrated_animal_feeding_operation –but don’t read it after lunch.
There is a farm close to my house that raises grass-fed cattle. THe cows are out in the field, eating what they’re meant to. They have space. They live like actual animals, not products, until they are slaughtered. That is where I buy my beef.
All life feeds on death to one extent or another. There’s no way for me to stay alive except by eating something dead (even plants). In fact, if we stopped eating cows, the species would simply die out b/c they’re too domesticated. But I don’t think that requires animals to be in agony from the moment of their birth until their slaughter. We can breed them in order to kill and eat them without torturing them from birth onwards–and that’s what things like “compassionate animal” are getting at.
Personally I’m happy to see these alternatives coming on the market. Not everyone lives within a few km of a farm where they get to see first-hand how the animals they eat are treated, whether they’re healthy or sick, what they eat, etc.
3. Jessica Carlson said:
October 26, 2006 @ 6:50 am
OMG, that is HILARIOUS!!
My Grandfather was a farmer and logger his whole life. A good man. A good man that raised cows and didn’t care for ‘em much. They did have good lives…pretty much did whatever they wanted which was eat grass and lay around.
When I was young, maybe 6 or 7, my brother and I grew fond of one his cows and named her “Big Red”. We’d go out to the pasture and helps Gramps feed ‘em while my Grandma would complain that she feared our growing attached to damn thing. We didn’t understand what she was talking about.
Unbeknownst to us, we also happened to fall in love with the meanest cow on the planet. She would charge my Grandpa and was a bully to the other cows. One day, my bro and I were out in the pasture and she charged us. We’ve never run so hard in our short lives.
The next day, it was curtains for Big Red and we cried and cried.
I’m not sure what the moral of my story is, only that your funny post reminded me of it.
I guess the bottom line is, I like not to think of where my steak came from or that it once had eyes. I also think that animals like chickens, wouldn’t know the difference between being treated well and not. They’re really gross.
4. Amy said:
October 26, 2006 @ 8:39 am
You crack me up, Stacy. How right you are on all counts. With every bite I know that my steak used to be a cow, my nugget a chicken, my nicoise a fish.
When it bothers me, I eat bologna!
5. shelley said:
October 26, 2006 @ 10:59 am
Excellent post. *giggle*
I’m a meat eater as well, even though I struggle with it ethically. And while the phrase “animal compassionate” does sound funny to me, too, I do like the idea of supporting meat producers whose processes are *not* like those described in “Fast Food Nation” and “Omnivore’s Dilemma.” If that’s the phrase markets are going to use to identify meat that comes from those producers, then I may just have to stifle my giggles and pay the price because that issue is at least as important to me as what the animals were fed (i.e., whether they’re “organic” and such).
But really, the life story of Mavis? Freaking high-larious.
6. Cristina said:
October 26, 2006 @ 12:47 pm
Hi Stacy,
You know I love you and your blog so no hard feelings here, but I don’t actually think this is a funny topic at all. I posted about this once on my personal blog here: http://mommyofftherecord.blogspot.com/2006/09/food-for-thought.html
I am not against killing animals for food, but I am against torturing animals while they are alive just to cut costs. Since corporate/“intensive†farming has taken over our nation’s agriculture, very little of our nation’s livestock is being raised under humane conditions. At the very least, I think that people should be informed, take this issue seriously and not make light of it. Most of the animals being raised in this country are being tortured while they are alive. Tortured. Read more here about how these animals are suffering: http://www.goveg.com/factoryFarming.asp
If Whole Foods is able to label its meat products to help educate its customers that the meat it is selling was raised in a humane way, then I think “Great! Finally, someone is taking notice of this issue! Now, if only our major supermarket chains would do the same.†(Now, I would question how they define “humaneâ€â€“ but that is a separate issue.)
Remember, the time that these animals are alive is when they are suffering the most. The slaughter is just when they get put out of their misery.
7. wordgirl said:
October 26, 2006 @ 1:27 pm
People, people, people…let’s just get a couple of things straight right now. Okay?
1) I do not endorse, condone, encourage or enjoy the mistreatment or torture of animals. (I don’t condone it in people either, but that’s another post). The fact that it is common practice is tragic, unfortunate and wrong. I was not making fun of how animals are housed and slaughtered.
2) I was poking fun at the label idea because the concept of “Truth in Advertising” isn’t something our country takes pride in anymore. Just because the label is slapped on a package of meat doesn’t necessarily guarantee that the treatment of the animal in question was really…you know…humane. More humane that the hell hole they lived in previously? Possibly, but it’s all a matter of perception. Are they still knee-deep in their own manure or now just ankle-deep? And how much “good treatment” is enough? Plus there’s the irony of great treatment that still ends in death. I was really just trying to mine the humor I found in the irony of trying to find the gray area between treating animals like animals and treating animals like people. And in a country where our public schools are underfunded and so many go without health care or insurance, who really expects the powers that be to change how animals area treated. We just signed a bill that makes it okay to torture people in this country. Do you really think they care about cows that are earmarked for hamburger?
If I had the choice between steak from a cow that had been treated well and one that had been tormented I would, of course, pick the former. It’s a no-brainer. But I was just poking fun at the label. Period.
8. Sonia said:
October 26, 2006 @ 2:57 pm
I think that labels are getting funnier (and harder to distinguish) as time passes and we get farther away from an intimate contact with our food sources. Your post just made me think of one of the “tasty bits” in the Douglas Adams books, “the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy,” where a cow is introduced to diners at a restaurant, and asks them which cut they would like. The cows were bred to feel joyful and content at becoming someone’s dinner, which, at least in the book, made the main character very uneasy.
Maybe that’s what they could be focusing on in those huge feed lots.
Oh, and I grew up in what was formerly the town with the world’s largest stock yards (place where farmers sell cattle and slaughterhouses ‘process’ them). In college I had an apartment just up the hill. There is nothing quite as unsettling as trying to drift off to sleep on a beautiful summer night when you hear the lone moo of a cow down in a holding pen. It always made me wonder if they knew what tomorrow held.
9. Ortizzle said:
October 27, 2006 @ 10:26 am
I completely agree with the absurdity of what goes on labels… or in just about any form of advertising, come to that. Such as a second hand car being called “gently used.” Gently?! I can’t help getting an image of someone turning corners ever so slowly while wearing spotless white gloves.
Anyway, I got what you meant, and did not think you were unsympathetic to how cows are treated before the slaughter. In fact, your title made me think of ….those “Laughing Cow” cheese wedges!
10. Gina said:
October 27, 2006 @ 10:26 am
I think I would totally pick a cow that loved “Seinfeld” over one that watched “Two and a Half Men” any day.
Great reference from Sonia on the Hitchhiker’s Guide, I had totally forgotten about that.
11. Kristen said:
October 29, 2006 @ 9:00 am
I understand mocking the label, but what is the solution? We’ve all agreed (I think) that the current conditions in factory farms are outrageous and unacceptable, and there are independent farmers or progressive organizations providing meat from cows raised in superior conditions; they presumably need or want some way to communicate this to interested consumers, or people who would, as almost everyone here has claimed, actively choose “compassionate” practices over the factory farm practices if/when given a choice. I agree with your stance about the irony/humor in calling something “compassionate” that ultimately ends in killing and butchering, especially as a vegetarian, but I guess I’m not sure what the alternative would be for Wild Oats et. al.