Do you trust your husband?

Your father?

Your father-in-law?

Uncles, male cousins, close male friends and neighbors?

Do you not even want to think about such questions?

It’s relatively easy to think about the possible evil perpetrated by strangers.?‚? Relatively, because it’s excruciatingly difficult to think about the possible evil perpetrated by those you know - those you, and your children, may love.

A fellow parenting blogger - Anne, also known as Crazy Mumma - wrote about her family’s experience on Thanksgiving (in Canada - I haven’t gone into a time warp).?‚? Her daughter was literally propositioned by a neighbor of the family with whom they had celebrated the holiday.

You may think that the term “propositioned” is too harsh.?‚? He merely joked that he would pay her to go home with him - it was said in jest!?‚? How could you possibly take that exchange seriously enough to call it a proposition?

If she were ten years older, what would you call it?

Anne and her husband were caught in a terrible position.?‚? They were visiting friends; they didn’t know this man well at all.?‚? How to address his inappropriate comment without offending their hosts?

But the catch here is that their hosts should have been offended by this man’s behavior themselves.?‚? THEY should have apologized to Anne and her family, and they should have stepped in to back up Anne and her husband when they told this man, “That’s enough.”

Apart from how the adults should address such situations, it’s even more difficult to prepare our children for such situations.?‚? But they need to be prepared.?‚? Without scaring the hell out of them, that is.

One of the greatest resources I’ve found is a book by Gavin de Becker called “Protecting the Gift”.?‚? It addresses a wide variety of situations that children might encounter, from the time they are able to speak to the day they leave for college.?‚? Furthermore, it gives parents a realistic view of what threats their children are most likely to face (hint: abduction by strangers is WAY down on the list).

Our personal approach has been an offhand “quiz” now and again:?‚? If you can’t find Mommy and Daddy, who do you go to for help? (Another mommy.) Who is allowed to touch your private parts? (Only me.) Are you allowed to touch other people’s private parts? (No.) What do you say if someone tries to touch you or wants you to touch them? (No!)

Not only does she remember how to take care of herself (and that it’s okay to do so), but it’s as routine as reminding her to say “please” and “thank you”.?‚? She’s not frightened; she’s empowered.

More of us than we’d care to admit have had similar experiences - some more damaging than others.?‚? We wanted to please adults; we didn’t want to be rude.?‚? Our parents didn’t understand that we weren’t just being impolite, that we felt uncomfortable.

There’s no substitute for “please” and “thank you”.?‚? But there’s also no substitute for listening to your children and respecting their feelings and intuition.

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