I struggle and strive to disseminate accurate and helpful, but not too corny or advanced, relationship information to my teen and preteen.?‚? Clouded in many a conversation about other things are comments about “no meaning no,” and good self-image not being linked always to the approval of the opposite sex.?‚? My sixth grader already has friends with boyfriends and dates to dances.?‚?

It doesn’t help my plight when I feel like I’m swimming upstream, or more accurately, having my head held under water.?‚? While driving my daughter to her babysitting class at the local community center, we heard?‚? a news story about?‚? a man in Illinois who died after being given the wrong medication by a narcotic-swiping pharmacist (now dispensing meds on a probationary license) followed by the earth-shattering, mind-boggling, press-stopping news that Eva Longhoria and her football player boyfriend have broken up, “only fourteen months after being announced as a couple,” the NEWS reader said.

THIS is news??‚? Sounds more like the high school cafeteria to me.

This was not a Hollywood divorce, baby named Orange, or a wardrobe malfunction.?‚? This was a break-up of two adults who were dating.?‚? Dating, folks.?‚?

How do I get across to my kids that while the dating that they’re not allowed to do until their 30 anyway, while not to be taken lightly, is something that people do.?‚? They date.?‚? You like someone, you get to know them, perhaps you date them.?‚? It’s a time of exploration (which they can find out about, oh well, 33) and discovery. And if you ever plan to date more than one person, it will involve a break-up of some kind at some point. GASP!

I was strangely embarrassed for my favorite AM station that this?‚? information was not limited to Hollywood-esque witty repartee between radio personalities and their penchant for the obviously now even more desperate brunette.?‚? It was sandwiched in between a dead guy and the traffic.?‚?

Now that?‚? might say something, but saying nothing would have said much more.

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This week, I got my first Choice in Child Care cheque.

Choice in Childcare–the Conservative New Canadian Government’s bribe monthly child-care subsidy of $100.

The payment is not taxed directly, but will be taxed as income at tax time; so it’s not actually $100. I put it in our savings account, and am now trying to decide what to do with it.

Frances’s daycare costs over $700 per month. When she was an infant, it was over $1100.?‚? We’ve already budgeted for that, so there’s not much point in putting the money towards it.

I don’t want to spend the money, since we don’t get to keep all of it.

So it’s sitting in our savings account. Most likely, around January, we’ll put it into my RRSP (registered retirement savings plan, equivalent to a 401k I think). Then we won’t have to pay tax on it, because the tax deduction will be equivalent to the income.

So my family isn’t calling it the Choice in Child Care Allowance.

We’re calling it Andrea’s Pension Fund.

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Now I know why that Elmo complete DVD box set showed up in the mail last week:

Three-year-old Jack Neal loves cars — so much so, that while his mother’s back was turned he bought a Barbie-pink Nissan Figaro for nearly $16,000 on eBay. read the rest…

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Is it just me or does it seem like every woman you know is either on medication, thinking about being on medication, or wondering if she’s depressed? What is going on around here?

Is depression just “out of the closet” as a shameful thing now that little Brooke wrote that book about post-partum depression and Mr. Cruise suggested vitamins? Is it in vogue? Or is it that the experience of being a mother and a woman in today’s society is intrinsically troubling?

I truly don’t have an answer, I just think it’s fascinating to consider possible reasons. Those of you in the “get over it and buck up” school probably would fall into the take vitamins and exercise and stop feeling sorry for yourself camp. Others of you might believe it’s truly an illness… something for which the depressed person is not responsible.

All I know is that so many fabulous, funny, beautiful women I know seem to be struggling with these issues.

I think it’s time to just add Prozac to our water supply. Remember Brave New World?

Spooky.

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Now that we???‚¬?„?re trying for Baby #2, I???‚¬?„?ve been asked more than once whether I???‚¬?„?m hoping for a boy or a girl.

Here???‚¬?„?s my politically correct answer: I don???‚¬?„?t care either way, just as long as the baby is healthy.

Here???‚¬?„?s my honest answer: I reeeeeeealy want a girl.

Of course, having a healthy baby is my priority, and I will love him or her the exact?‚? same way?‚? no matter what, but I would be lying if I said that I don???‚¬?„?t have a preference. Since we may only have two children, and since we already have a son, I can???‚¬?„?t help but hope for a girl this time. We may even go so far as to try a few of Dr. Shettle???‚¬?„?s tricks for conceiving a girl.?‚?

While we’re on the topic,?‚? today I read this article and it got me wondering: How far is too far to go in determining the sex of a baby? Should we use advances in science to help us select the gender of our babies for non-medical reasons? Because now we can.

Through preimplantation genetic diagnosis (PGD) scientists can perform tests on embryos to determine gender prior to implantation in the uterus. In most cases, PGD is used to detect serious genetic disorders prior to implantation, but a growing number of fertility clinics?‚? are now offering PGD?‚? as a way for couples to determine the sex of their child for non-medical reasons.?‚? ?‚? In fact,?‚? a recent survey of 190 fertility clinics found that ???‚¬?“a whopping 42 percent of clinics that offer PGD said they had done so for non-medically related sex selection.???‚¬??

Uh, is it just me, or does this raise some major moral and ethical issues? I hate to use the overused?‚? ???‚¬?“slippery slope???‚¬?? metaphor, but this is a slippery slope don???‚¬?„?t you think? I mean, first we???‚¬?„?re determining the gender of our babies and next we???‚¬?„?ll be determining their hair color, skin color, eye color, height???‚¬?¦.where will it end? Can you say eugenics anyone?

There have been many concerns raised regarding these so-called ???‚¬?“designer babies???‚¬??. There is the fear of creating a ???‚¬?“super-race???‚¬?? of people who will discriminate against those who are ???‚¬?“genetically inferior???‚¬??. There is the moral concern of creating and killing healthy embryos in search for the ???‚¬?“perfect???‚¬?? baby. There is fear that playing around with gene structures could negatively affect the gene pool. Frankly, the whole thing scares the bejeesus out of me.

So design-a-baby? No, thanks. I think I???‚¬?„?ll stick with?‚? Dr. Shettle???‚¬?„?s Method for now. The only downside is that having a female?‚? orgasm during procreation apparently?‚? reduces the chances of conceiving a girl. So, hmmmm, maybe trying for another boy wouldn???‚¬?„?t be so bad after all.

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Every night my high school freshman son says, “Do I have to go to school tomorrow?”

Every night I say, “Yes.”

I suppose he gets?‚? A for effort,?‚? since if history were to repeat?‚? itself, I’d say no just about every time.?‚? Now I?‚? just stand firm and off. he. goes.

We’re in the process of retraining ourselves to overcome the drudgery of sniffles and some?‚? undeniable lifetime obstacles, and just tally forth. Each and every day he is getting to his first class at 8:32 a.m.

But, “Is he too sick for school?” is?‚? a question every parent?‚? struggles with now and then, because sick takes on many connotations.

In preschool, it’s pretty clear cut. Where I teach if a child gets in under the radar with a green runny nose, we phone home. Heck, chances are we don’t let Mom out the door.?‚? If anything arises where someone between the ages two and four?‚? is just not?‚? acting like him or herself, they go home.

When my kids were in elementary school, if the nurse would call, we’d figure out if there was really a problem or not.?‚? I don’t leave sick kids at school, but sometimes it’s like deciphering a riddle to figure out what’s wrong and what’s not.?‚? I learned that when my daughter was in kindergarten.?‚? She would go to the nurse not feeling well.?‚? The nurse would call with the report of a low-grade fever. I’d zip around the corner and pick up my daughter, take her home, take her temperature to find it a resounding and normal 98.6.

By the time my son was in junior high?‚? there were?‚? extenuating circumstances that warranted extraordinary measures. For all intents and?‚? purposes, I homeschooled 7th grade. I don’t remember 6th grade, and 8th grade was a free-for-all.

Which brings us to the land of the Freshman.?‚?

So, attempting to lend credence to my new and improved stance on attendance, I?‚? searched for backup.

In a recent USA today article it states the primary rules for keeping a child home from school…

???‚¬?? Vomits twice or more over a 24-hour period.

???‚¬?? Has an oral temperature higher than 100.

???‚¬?? Coughs almost constantly or has difficulty breathing.

???‚¬?? Repeated bouts of diarrhea or bloody stools.

???‚¬?? Exhibits abdominal pain for more than two hours.

???‚¬?? Has open sores on the mouth.

???‚¬?? Displays a skin rash or red eye, and you don’t know why.

???‚¬?? Is infested with lice or scabies.

???‚¬?? Shows symptoms of contagious diseases such as chickenpox, German measles, hepatitis A, impetigo, measles, mumps, shingles, strep throat or whooping cough. Children can get vaccinations against some but not all of these.

Dare I say? Duh.

But there are parents who pile their kids onto the bus when they shouldn’t, no matter how old they are.?‚? And I get it. Parents have to go to work to keep their kids in the latest jeans and gym shoes and to keep food on the table. ?‚? And in the case of single parents, well, school is when our kids are safe, and technically under lock and key. It’s the only time of day I get to take a deep breath because I know that my children are under, at the very least, adequate adult supervision.?‚? I will admit that a kid home from school disrupts my schedule, my work, and most importantly, my peace of mind.

So sick days are doled out very carefully around here nowadays.

There are also parents who keep?‚? kids home for little more than the sniffles.?‚? For the record, I read in that same USA today article that children with colds can go to school unless their symptoms prevent them from participating in normal activities. Colds are most contagious very early in the illness, sometimes even before the symptoms appear,?‚? it said, quoting?‚? Jeff Sperring, a pediatrician at Riley Hospital for Children in Indianapolis.?‚?

Kids at all ages exhibit symptoms that might warrant a day at home, if there is someone there to care for him or her. But with the onset of adolescence and the high school experience looming in our household?‚? new light has been shed?‚? on things.?‚? Times change, and rules change.?‚? And often that’s actually a good thing that teaches a life-long, not just a high school, lesson.

Unless you can’t go, you go.?‚? And sometimes you go when you really don’t think you can.

And that’s like teaching two not-so-old dogs new tricks.

This is his job. To go to school,?‚? to do his school work to the best of his ability,?‚? and to save his “sick” days for when he’s really sick, or we face some undeniable emergency.

So far, so good…and only about 140 more days to go.

This year.

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A 5-year old Chicago girl went into her dentist to getΒ a few cavaties filled and a few caps put on her teethΒ and now lies brain dead in a hospital. Apparently she is the victim of anesthesia gone tragically wrong.

The FDA estimates that 1 in 10,000 children die while under anesthesia. The younger the child, the more susceptible they are to the risks of anesthesia.

What a sad story…

From the Chicago Sun Times:

Relatives told girl brain dead after dental work

September 26, 2006
BY MAUREEN O’DONNELL AND ANNIE SWEENEY Staff Reporters
Diamond Brownridge, the 5-year-old Southwest Side girl who slipped into a coma after being sedated by her dentist, was clinging to life late Monday at Children’s Memorial Hospital.
Relatives were at her bedside, praying and singing her favorite songs by the group Cheetah Girls. But after Diamond suffered both brain and organ damage, “We’re just praying for a miracle,'’ said her mother, Ommettress Travis.

Diamond remained on life support, and a relative said doctors have told the family she is brain dead. The relative said the family may make a decision today on the child’s fate.

The cause of her coma was unknown. Her family said Diamond, who recently started kindergarten, has no known medical problems or allergies
The 30-pound girl tolerated anesthesia well in April as she was treated for a broken arm suffered at preschool, her mother said. But on Monday she regretted following instructions to leave Diamond when her dental work began Saturday at the Little Angel Dental office in the Little Village neighborhood.

“I would never leave the room again. That’s my biggest regret,'’ said Travis, a medical assistant at Northwestern Memorial Hospital. “I probably would have noticed when her heart stopped.”

Update: Diamond passed away Wednesday at Children’s Memorial Hospital…

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Today was toga day at our sons’ high school. Unlike the all-white styles I wore to college parties–or worse– the flowered yellow twin sheets snagged from my own dorm bed, today’s teens are looking to make a statement or to poke fun at themselves.

So it was my oldest son’s sincerest wish to show up at school today looking like “Animal House’s” Eric Stratton (”Damned glad to meet ya!”) in a toga fashioned from a Batman sheet. He considered, for about three seconds, wearing a “My Little Pony”-embossed bedsheet, though he changed his mind before I drove to Target to make the purchase. Had the middle son not been heavily influenced by friends who decided that toga-wearing wasn’t something they wanted to do, he would have shown up in a blue-flannel number festooned with the images of sock-monkeys watching television. Just the thought of a six-foot tall baseball player wearing something like that makes me giggle and make a dash for my camera.

As we were brainstorming about what would make for an entertaining ensemble, I wondered what lengths the female students would have to go to in order to elicit a laugh from fellow classmates. Interestingly enough, I don’t think the sight of a girl wearing a G.I. Joe costume or dressed as an NFL linebacker is much of a rib-tickler. Isn’t it just as humorous for a girl to wear something atypical for her gender as it is for a guy to do so?Someone once pointed out to me that a man dressing up as a woman was funny and that a woman dressing up as a man…well…wasn’t. Their reasoning was that, through the centuries, women dressed as men in order to partake of the rights and privileges denied them as females. To serve in a war or be part of a ship’s crew or, like the character in the movie “Yentl”, receive an education, required a disguise. A woman was “trading up” for a better life by wearing the clothes of her male counterparts.

Yet, when a man dons a dress and speaks in a high-pitched voice, he’s lowering his status. Picture the men of Monty Python and it all becomes rather clear, no? This phenomenon doesn’t make me angry, but it does make me a little sad. I love a sense of humor and I believe that some of the greatest comedians in the world come from both genders. That said, I know that, in many ways, the male of the species is better represented. I can’t deny it and, as a feminist, I can’t explain it. Can you?

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I have an 18 month old baby girl who is still breastfed. This is neither my darkest nor deepest secret, but it’s something that causes me mild discomfort in the world of momdom. As someone who has argued against breastfeeding totalitarianism, and generally pokes fun at people who breastfeed their kids until they can drop the car keys on the night stand and declare “Hey Mom, I’m home. How about the boob?” I’m somewhat embarrassed by my prolonged nursing.

Obviously, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with breastfeeding my daughter. I’m as surprised as my cranky formula feeding gal pals that this whole episode has lasted as long as it has. And while I’m technically in favor of trying to wean her sometime soon, the truth is it’s much harder to cut her off than I thought it would be. I’m not a super huge fan of nursing, per se. I don’t enjoy being munched on, pulled, and prodded. I don’t particularly love it when she yells “Booob! Booob!” in a room full of people. But I do love her dearly. And she’s my last child. When we stop breastfeeding, that will be it. Her babyhood will be officially over.

The other issue is that I don’t want to be lumped in with the “breast is best” crowd, knowing firsthand the pressure and difficulties faced by an unsuccessful nursing episode (I didn’t breastfeed my twins). I subscribe to the school of thought that it’s not what you feed, it’s how you feed that matters.

New moms could be saved so much trouble and upset if they were saved from their rigid beliefs about breastfeeding as the only option for “good parents.”

Because I don’t think breast is always best.

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What shoes shall a MILF wear on any given Tuesday, Fall 2006?

How about, what’s now and wow?

-Boots are tres cool. Fall looks are equesterian style and motorcycle boots and wedge boots.

-Ballerina shoes are comfy and way stylish right now. With or without the strap.

-Pointy shoes and round toed shoes are still popular. Look for lots of chrome buckles.

-Textures are patent leather, metallics, animal printsΒ and fabrics, as well as leather, all in fall colors.

Shoes are practical. Shoes are good. New shoes arriveΒ in stores everyday. What’s a MILF to do?

For a quick peek at what’s new, I think Nordstrom has the best “hot” shoe list.

Β 

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